For 2023 I bought, on a whim, a “HUMAIRC” girly advent calendar for £16 from Amazon. Gorgeously adorned with “Merry Chirstmas” on the front, this was one of the most random, bizarre, and exciting advent calendars I have ever seen.
Here are all 24 gifts.
Day 1: A necklace with a little twiddle on it. From a distance and with an untrained eye, this genuinely looks and feels expensive. It isn’t, but it feels it.
Day 2: Earrings to match Day 1’s necklace. Basically the exact same shape, just on studs with some extremely tiny plugs that I wouldn’t trust.
Day 3: Metal belt clip (actually quite nice), with a tiny pleather strap and a keyring.
Day 4: Nail clippers. These are awful, they barely cut through my nails. Still, good to toss in a handbag for nail emergencies.
Day 5: “If you can read this, bring me coffee”. Badly printed socks, barely hit my ankles, and the colour fades on wearing them thanks to the stretch. Still, they’re socks. They do sock stuff.
Day 6: Bottle opener key. Made of metal, genuinely a lovely little trinket. Shame I quit drinking in July!
Day 7: The beginning of the true “what?!”, a full multitool with Allen key, spanner and screwdriver set. I could honestly see this being £5-10 by itself, it’s nicely made and could see a LOT of use in the future.
Day 8: One pink sweat band. Loses its colour when stretched (and, I suspect, washed).
Day 9: A tiny piece of stress pasta that smells like old rubber. This one baffled me.
Day 10: A small stirring spoon (not calling it a teaspoon as it’s way smaller), with a cup and saucer on the top. This is a really nice thing but its use is pretty limited from its size.
Day 11: A “survival whistle”. So leftfield. So loud.
Day 12: A cat-shaped phone ring, really cute little thing but useless for me since I charge my phone wirelessly. Still, nice for the reminder that my calendar’s meant to be girly, not a survival kit.
Day 13: A sleep mask, which is slightly too elasticated and pushes itself directly into my eyes when worn (even after adjustments). Still, not a bad inclusion.
Day 14: A pink luggage tag. Useful!
Day 15: A minuscule safety clip I wouldn’t trust with anything weighty or valuable. Pink though, I approve.
Day 16: The wilderness survival kit interjects once again with a bracelet that features (I had to find this online to verify everything it does) a compass, ANOTHER whistle, a firestarting spark rod, a tiny saw, and if unwound, a few metres of strong cord.
Day 17: The other sweat band. I was wondering if I was only getting one.
Day 18: Inexplicably, a ring with what looks like a splash of oil rendered in 3D. It may actually be made of metal, it feels heavier than I think it’d be if it was plastic. Utterly bizarre and I’d never wear it.
Day 19: A teeny polar bear coin purse. I’d’ve found this cute when I was a quarter of my current age. At 32, I don’t see much use for it myself!
Day 20: After much Googling, I determined that this is a pocket earwax kit, which will go well with my other facial gizmos and manicure stuff I guess.
Day 21: A heart locket necklace. As with Day 1’s necklace, this looks nicer than I imagine it is.
Day 22: Again, matching earrings. This time they have proper rings, so I’d trust them to remain on my ears a lot more than the other earrings.
Day 23: A pustulous bubble stress Christmas tree keyring in trans flag colours. I like most of those words. It feels like acne to the touch.
Day 24: And we end the day on some wonderful Christmassy socks adorned with… “Merry Santa”. I would expect nothing less from this baffling, amazing Advent calendar.
And nor would Meggy.
Merry Chirstmas indeed!