Merry Chirstmas by Allison James

For 2023 I bought, on a whim, a “HUMAIRC” girly advent calendar for £16 from Amazon. Gorgeously adorned with “Merry Chirstmas” on the front, this was one of the most random, bizarre, and exciting advent calendars I have ever seen.

Here are all 24 gifts.

Day 1: A necklace with a little twiddle on it. From a distance and with an untrained eye, this genuinely looks and feels expensive. It isn’t, but it feels it.

Day 2: Earrings to match Day 1’s necklace. Basically the exact same shape, just on studs with some extremely tiny plugs that I wouldn’t trust.

Day 3: Metal belt clip (actually quite nice), with a tiny pleather strap and a keyring.

Day 4: Nail clippers. These are awful, they barely cut through my nails. Still, good to toss in a handbag for nail emergencies.

Day 5: “If you can read this, bring me coffee”. Badly printed socks, barely hit my ankles, and the colour fades on wearing them thanks to the stretch. Still, they’re socks. They do sock stuff.

Day 6: Bottle opener key. Made of metal, genuinely a lovely little trinket. Shame I quit drinking in July!

Day 7: The beginning of the true “what?!”, a full multitool with Allen key, spanner and screwdriver set. I could honestly see this being £5-10 by itself, it’s nicely made and could see a LOT of use in the future.

Day 8: One pink sweat band. Loses its colour when stretched (and, I suspect, washed).

Day 9: A tiny piece of stress pasta that smells like old rubber. This one baffled me.

Day 10: A small stirring spoon (not calling it a teaspoon as it’s way smaller), with a cup and saucer on the top. This is a really nice thing but its use is pretty limited from its size.

Day 11: A “survival whistle”. So leftfield. So loud.

Day 12: A cat-shaped phone ring, really cute little thing but useless for me since I charge my phone wirelessly. Still, nice for the reminder that my calendar’s meant to be girly, not a survival kit.

Day 13: A sleep mask, which is slightly too elasticated and pushes itself directly into my eyes when worn (even after adjustments). Still, not a bad inclusion.

Day 14: A pink luggage tag. Useful!

Day 15: A minuscule safety clip I wouldn’t trust with anything weighty or valuable. Pink though, I approve.

Day 16: The wilderness survival kit interjects once again with a bracelet that features (I had to find this online to verify everything it does) a compass, ANOTHER whistle, a firestarting spark rod, a tiny saw, and if unwound, a few metres of strong cord.

Day 17: The other sweat band. I was wondering if I was only getting one.

Day 18: Inexplicably, a ring with what looks like a splash of oil rendered in 3D. It may actually be made of metal, it feels heavier than I think it’d be if it was plastic. Utterly bizarre and I’d never wear it.

Day 19: A teeny polar bear coin purse. I’d’ve found this cute when I was a quarter of my current age. At 32, I don’t see much use for it myself!

Day 20: After much Googling, I determined that this is a pocket earwax kit, which will go well with my other facial gizmos and manicure stuff I guess.

Day 21: A heart locket necklace. As with Day 1’s necklace, this looks nicer than I imagine it is.

Day 22: Again, matching earrings. This time they have proper rings, so I’d trust them to remain on my ears a lot more than the other earrings.

Day 23: A pustulous bubble stress Christmas tree keyring in trans flag colours. I like most of those words. It feels like acne to the touch.

Day 24: And we end the day on some wonderful Christmassy socks adorned with… “Merry Santa”. I would expect nothing less from this baffling, amazing Advent calendar.

And nor would Meggy.

Merry Chirstmas indeed!

Top 100 Movies: My Verdict by Allison James

I’ve never been a big film lover. I’ve got fairly narrow tastes, and err on the side of rewatching a small collection of comfort movies over anything new. To try and break through that mental boundary a little, my New Year’s resolution for 2023 was to watch more new, and old, films held in high regard. To aid in that, I bought a scratch-off poster, “Top 100 Movies”.

This week, I completed the poster… and here are some brief thoughts. On one hundred movies. With star ratings. In order of my least favourite to most favourite. Bear with me. (Note: some plot points might be spoilt in these reviews but I will try to keep most stuff vague, especially since the reviews themselves are so short.)

100: Guardians of the Galaxy

My least favourite film on the poster. Felt like Chris Pratt was 10x more Chris Pratt than any other film he’s in. Every other spoken sentence was irreverent, quippy, grating terror. The overuse of older pop music was unfitting and just felt like the film constantly pandering. If I wasn’t already sick of superhero movies - and I was - this was a thousand nails in the genre’s coffin for me.

99: V for Vendetta

I saw this years ago, and can only remember it being this naff, edgy-tastic thing. That was before the whole Anonymous Guy Fawkes mask thing compounded that further - not V for Vendetta’s fault, but I don’t think I’ll ever be interested in seeing this film again.

98: American History X

This film can absolutely get f***ed. Every major character apart from a couple of ancillary family members were irredeemable, soulless arseholes. Just a needlessly heavy, emotionally draining slog.

97: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

The poster only mentioned “The Lord of the Rings” but I cannot see myself ever getting through Two Towers or Return of the King. The 3+ hours of the first instalment were enough - arguably too much, even. I appreciated a lot about this film, including its gorgeous cinematography. I just don’t care for epic fantasy at all.

96: Groundhog Day

What a great concept. What a contemptible main character. Seriously. Phil is so utterly horrendous as a human being. He’s in this bizarre situation of a repeating day, and he uses it to commit repeated suicide, manipulate people through sheer accidental trial and error, and eventually break the loop by tricking a woman into loving him with his persistent memory.

95: Kill Bill

While I split “The Lord of the Rings” into just the first movie, I considered both parts of Kill Bill one film since Quentin Tarantino intended that in the first place. And as that experience, I found Kill Bill painfully-long and more boring than anything. I can only deal with small sips of Tarantino; Kill Bill is two litres of pure Tarantino espresso in a fat jug.

94: Inglourious Basterds

Accidental back to back Tarantino! Inglourious Basterds mostly earns its extra half a star by being an hour and a half shorter than Kill Bill. That’s about it - I have most of the same problems with it. It still feels too long to me.

93: Batman Begins

Dark superhero films aren’t my thing, and of those, Batman Begins is sure one of them. Something about this film just switched me off mentally; I never stood a chance enjoying it.

92: Logan

To my ETERNAL SURPRISE, this film wasn't for me and I should have got it out of the way earlier than I did (it was the fourth-last film I watched). Sin City is the only exception to the comic-hero overly-gritty overly-violent style that I never enjoy. I respect this film for doing a few things different, and the final shot was really clever, but… just not for me.

91: Gladiator

I expected Gladiator to not be my kind of film, and to my surprise, it was not my kind of film. I struggled to keep my attention on this one enough to be able to claim I fully watched it.

90: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

Once one of my closest-held childhood films, now a two and a half hour reminder that its author has chosen a life of misguided bigotry. Seven of the only books I’ve ever read of my own volition, and eight films I cherished for a lot of my life, spoilt permanently. Such a waste, honestly.

89: Mad Max

Possibly the single most disappointing film on the poster for me, perhaps mostly my own fault. I expected this to be the birth of the post-apocalyptic world that later Mad Max movies and games depicted. Instead, I was blindsided by what felt like a cheaply-made cop movie. I’ll definitely be watching the sequels at a later date.

88: Titanic

Good lord, that ship took a long time to sink.

87: The Silence of the Lambs

This was a big ole noperino with a side order of chianti. The presentation of the main villain was uncomfortably transphobic from a modern setting - a hurdle I’m just not able to get past. "Assistant moth wrangler and stylist" being a credited crew member's actual job was good, though.

86: Million Dollar Baby

I didn’t know where this film was headed. I spent the first half of it thinking it was like a modern-day Rocky.

If you know, you know. And I know now. This film hurt me.

85: American Psycho

There’re bits of American Psycho I liked. The tenseness of the nail gun scene was brilliantly done, and I’m always in for a scene in which fonts are discussed. Beyond that, American Psycho was loaded with a lot of fairly caustic brutality, and it had an ending straight out of a godawful student film.

84: Donnie Darko

I still don’t know if I enjoyed Donnie Darko or not. It was absolute nonsense, a film that should probably be my thing on paper but never really registered as something I was liking, during or after seeing it. Maybe seeing it was part of the problem - a seminal moment in the film was shot in such darkness I couldn’t make a thing out in it. Strange film. Ridiculous plot. So darko.

83: The Great Dictator

Of all the older films I saw on this movie conquest, The Great Dictator was by far the most actually-dated-feeling. Charlie Chaplin’s slapstick was incredibly strange at times, especially when at the end of the film, he suddenly breaks into one of the most pertinent, stellar monologues in movie history - a lesson that remains unlearnt.

82: City of God

City of God / Cidade de Deus was too much for me. A lot of visceral depictions of death, and seemingly extremely realistic in doing so. Great film, but I felt so sick after watching it, I could never go back to it again.

81: Django Unchained

Oh hey, it’s more self-indulgent Tarantino overly-long exposition scenes! What a surprise. Why so many on the poster?

80: The Bourne Identity

Totally average action thriller thing. I’m not big on the genre, but this was far from my favourite film of that ilk. (Give me Die Hard or several films later in this list any day.)

79: Taxi Driver

I do love me a dystopian, gritty dramatic thing… except, apparently, when the main character is literally just a perverse stalker. Yes, I’m talking to you, Travis. You bloody weirdo.

78: 2001: A Space Odyssey

I have immense respect for 2001: A Space Odyssey, and can imagine myself going back to this and skimming through it to re-enjoy its collection of breath-taking shots, far beyond their year of filming in quality. 2001 still looks better than most of today’s films.

It’s also long, confusing, ambiguous nonsense for hours and hours.

77: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

This is another film I expected to like a lot more than I did. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest had a likable character issue for me; not many prominent characters in the film were ones I could ever root for, and those that I did tended to end up with the worst fates. Randle and Nurse Ratched were played to perfection, but that perfection was heinous.

76: The Usual Suspects

Why did it have to be Kevin Spacey? The Usual Suspects is a great film but the creep at the forefront of it all taints what should’ve been a firm 4+ stars for me. The hunt for Keyser Soze was a great one and this had a lot of unexpected moments nonetheless.

75: Braveheart

An extremely silly film, which was entirely too long, filled to the brim with aggressively dubious Scottish accents, in a setting I generally hate, a main actor I seldom get along with, and a cheesy ending I already knew through popular culture. And I came dangerously close to enjoying it!

74: The Shining

One thing I got from this poster was that I love Stanley Kubrick’s filmmaking style a lot regardless of whether or not I end up enjoying the films themselves. The Shining was fairly middling for me; quite a lot of long exposition, with a decent payoff, tinged with a bit of grossness knowing what we know now about Shelley Duvall’s treatment on set.

73: Forrest Gump

A middle-of-the-road kind of thing for me. I really enjoyed Forrest Gump… I just enjoyed most of the other films on the poster more.

72: American Beauty

90% one of the best, most constantly surprising, engrossing films I have ever seen. 10% skin-crawling, nauseating quasi-paedophilia and general weird pervert glorification. The gorgeous soundtrack couldn’t stop me feeling gross watching this.

71: The Terminator

Good. Not my thing. I’m more into the Shermanator than the Terminator.

70: Seven Samurai

The longest film of the poster by far (around 3 hours and 40 minutes), in full Japanese language, and black and white owing to its filming in the mid 1950s. This film was a slog, but the final fight - holy cow, what a payoff. I will never watch Seven Samurai in full again, but I will definitely watch that battle again.

69: Requiem for a Dream

Jared Leto makes my flesh crawl, but that kind of works in Requiem for a Dream’s favour. An absolute fever dream of a film - I think I’d probably favour Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas if I wanted to rewatch something of this style, it’s less uncomfortable and more bizarre overall. But hey, I didn’t hate Requiem for a Dream.

68: Pan’s Labyrinth

Not my genre of choice, but Pan’s Labyrinth was still really good. It’s nice to have a film about a 3 part challenge ending in a sentient magical maze that I don't feel gross watching!

67: Up

One of my least favourite Pixar films, which by default means I still liked it a lot. Pixar don’t miss often. Weirdly, I think what hurt Up the most was real-life circumstances - both my grandads were dead before I was 2, so I never felt a strong connection to the characters of Up. Its poignant moments just don’t hit the way those in other Pixar films like Inside Out and Coco do.

66: Star Wars

Say it with me: “not really my kind of film”! Star Wars is helped out, as with others on this poster, by its accessibility as a film, meaning even as a super nerdy sci-fi thing I’m destined not to gel with, I still actually did gel with it a bit.

Nb. I’ve seen episodes IV and V and my opinion is consistent.

65: The Avengers

One of the more successful superhero films I’ve seen since Green Lantern irreparably damaged the genre for me. I’d definitely put Infinity War and Endgame (as a duo) ahead of the first Avengers, but this was still a film I had a surprisingly decent time with.

64: Snatch

A great British caper, this only ranks reasonably low because Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is also on the poster, and from my perspective, Snatch is just that but not quite as successful.

63: Toy Story

The first feature-length CGI movie, and the first I saw as well, in a cinema at Butlins Skegness when I was tiny no less. On a pure taste preference level, Toy Story is lower than a lot of Pixar films, but what I don’t get from it in enjoyment is made up for by sheer respect. Toy Story is one of the most important films released in my lifetime. And it’s still a great film nearly 30 years later to boot.

62: Jaws

Jaws was a movie I had no real expectations of loving, but it’s so popular, I knew it’d still be some degree of enjoyable. It just about surpassed that; a great tale, if one that hurt the reputation of an entire species in the decades since. I’d watch Jaws again… if it was on TV already, and I was bored, and the remote was a stretch away.

61: The Big Lebowski

This was a film whose reputation preceded it quite hardcore. All you seem to hear about The Big Lebowski are those that hold it in a too-high regard, or the others who don’t get it. I found it a fun brain-off, feet-up affair. Definitely scores points for its uniqueness compared to any other film - if I was in the mood for a film like The Big Lebowski, there aren’t many alternative choices.

60: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Not my genre, but this was a film I got on with more than I expected. I guess its sheer accessibility helped here, not to mention the perfect casting for basically every character in the entire film.

59: Monsters, Inc.

The first film I ever bought on DVD, and I span it so often in my PS2 I’m surprised I didn’t destroy it. I’ve always got time for Monsters, Inc, though - it’s a great milestone in being gorgeous enough to not seem dated like Toy Story can, while also being old enough to carry a ton of nostalgia for me. The Scare Island game was great as well.

58: Se7en

I’ve gone on record with a few of these films, saying that the transgressions of a few recurring stars have tarnished them for me seeing them nowadays. Se7en thankfully transcends that, with Spacey being exactly as skin-crawling as a character as I find him in real life.

57: No Country for Old Men

One of the films I was most excited for on the poster, and it nearly met those expectations. A trio of simple characters, perfectly cast and played, do their thing in style. All I ever need sometimes.

56: Pulp Fiction

The only Quentin Tarantino film over 2 hours in length that I can say I enjoy without a big asterisk (besides a questionable scene with the acting and racism of Tarantino himself) or a constant temptation to skip 15-minute exposition sequences between the action stuff. Great film, hugely enjoyable, with a lot of surprises I’m sadly all-too-acquainted with now I’ve seen it a good few times.

55: Fight Club

One of the most blindsided I’ve ever been by the conclusion of a movie when I first saw it maybe 20 or so years ago, Fight Club remains an extremely interesting film. My opinion of it decreases a tiny bit with every watch though, maybe just as I see more and more films that are more “me”.

54: Rocky

We’re gonna need a montage! A powerful, uplifting movie that never descended into the cheesiness that pop culture led me to believe. Okay, a little - but in a good way. Rocky was fantastic. I’m in no rush to watch any of the sequels, though; the original ended so perfectly, I think I’m fine with my imagine taking over beyond that.

53: Amélie

A lot of the films on this poster were bleak - by design or by storyline. Amélie was a rare, enjoyable checkpoint in the middle of it all: broadly feelgood, beautifully shot, and one I would feel safe going back to if I ever felt like I needed it.

52: Alien

I wasn't confident I'd like Alien, not being a big fan of horror or sci-fi, but it ended up being a hugely enjoyable film for me! The runtime flew by. Some of the effects were rather silly by today's standards (I pissed myself laughing at the tiny new-born Xenomorph's run), but this is still a tense, captivating film from beginning to end.

51: Shutter Island

How delightfully messed up this film is. Even having had the plot spoilt like 15 years earlier from a niche internet video called “Water Cooler Conversations”, something I never forgot, Shutter Island managed to be impressively surprising, with Leonardo DiCaprio playing his role stunningly.

50: The Lion King

One of the “fastest” films I saw on the poster - the 90 minutes or so flew by. I need to bank more of Disney’s older animated films, I’ve only seen The Jungle Book, Bambi, Snow White and Alice in Wonderland prior to this.

49: Scarface

Fun fact, I first saw this thanks to the Grand Theft Auto III radio station that includes several pieces of music from it. Really enjoyable movie, less my thing these days than it used to be but I’ve always loved its aesthetic and its mindless, cartoonish violence as Tony Montana’s life plays out.

48: The Grand Budapest Hotel

I saw this a few years ago and most of what I remember is that it was a feature-length fever dream absolutely loaded with 90-degree swinging angle shots. Which is to say, I remember liking it.

47: Dirty Dancing

I saved this movie for when I needed an emotional boost (which is increasingly frequently, bless you hormones) and it was a fantastic move - Dirty Dancing was a gorgeous, uplifting experience with such a satisfying ending.

46: Inception

Inception came out right around my biggest cinema period - 2009 to 2010, as I entered adulthood and was discovering myself independently. (End verdict: I’m not a huge fan of cinemas.) Inception was nonetheless a great movie, and introduced me to several actors I’ve grown to love in the decade and a bit since like Cillian Murphy and Elliot Page.

45: Casablanca

I can see why this is considered an all-time classic. Casablanca remains a fantastic watch, ever-accessible and honestly really interesting to see a film where World War II is presented so uniquely in spite of it literally being filmed and released DURING it.

44: Fargo

Fun fact: Fargo is the only film on the poster I saw twice this year - once for the first time at a friend’s, and once a day later because I knew my mum would enjoy it too! The Coens always make winners, and this is my new favourite of theirs by quite some way. Will I be seeing this again some day? You betcha.

43: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

The Ugly wasn't ugly, The Good wasn't good, and The Good and The Ugly were arguably more bad than The Bad. What a silly title! Anyway, this was a long film, but had a breath-taking finale that totally justified the slow burn.

42: Goodfellas

Martin Scorsese films have not all been big winners for me, but Goodfellas was a bloody good one. Brutal (but digestible), and a lot of fun to watch. I could throw Goodfellas on any time and re-enjoy it where similar films like The Godfather are a little heavier going.

41: The Green Mile

The first film I ever shed tears to! I first saw The Green Mile a long time ago, and didn’t rewatch it this year as it was already cleared from the poster, but I still remember just how strongly emotional The Green Mile was.

40: The Godfather

Breaking news: The Godfather was good. Really, really good. Seeing the story develop through this long-term was fascinating and at times disgusting, but it was a great time and I’m excited to move onto Part II one day as well.

39: The Dark Knight

I expected my opinion of The Dark Knight to match Batman Begins. What I ended up with was a phenomenal action thriller that exceeded expectations and then some. I’d hesitate to lump this in with any other superhero film - it may have Batman, Joker and Two-Face in it, but there is no contrived superhero-age deus ex machina-ing impossible plot points here.

38: memento

Fascinating movie, so bizarrely paced - I loved how the nonlinearity served a purpose as well, effectively demonstrating memory loss. I’m torn on being unable to see Memento fresh again, I’d love to re-experience the film not knowing the plot, but I’m also excited to rewatch this one day and spot all the stuff I missed the first time.

37: The Departed

I haven’t seen the Departed for about 15 years, and I should probably rectify that one day. I can only remember that I really enjoyed it - a dark, violent, gritty thing where Jack Nicholson plays the character best suited to him: an absolute bastard.

36: The Pianist

A real difficult one to get through, as you’d expect. The Pianist was the last of the Holocaust depictions I saw from this poster… I still cannot believe there were so many. Schindler’s List, The Pianist, Life is Beautiful… anyway, The Pianist, as with those others, tells a hellish story beautifully. I could never watch this film again, but I’m glad to have seen it once.

35: Life is Beautiful

Speaking of Life is Beautiful. This film was tagged as a comedy on streaming services. It f***ing isn’t. There are small, fleeting glimmers of hope for humanity dotted throughout, but that doesn’t negate, for example, the scene where the bouncy, smiling main character, detained in a concentration camp, discovers a mass grave - an actual scene in this “comedy”. Great film, though.

34: Vertigo

Going in blind won again here! Vertigo was absolutely brilliant. Constantly surprising, oftentimes perturbing, and for a 1958 film, absolutely gorgeous. I’m sure I’ll be delving into some of Hitchcock’s other movies down the line.

33: Good Will Hunting

Good Will Hunting was pretty great, although maybe let down a fair bit by how coarsely unlikeable Will was for about two thirds of it. Robin Williams at his most beautifully charming will always wrong any right, though.

32: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

This is definitely a film that’s dropped half a star in the wake of this poster giving me so many alternative experiences. I love the story shown in Eternal Sunshine, and Jim Carrey can really nail the plainer everyman character. Where this film shines most is in the dialogue between the workers as they erase his memories.

31: Raiders of the Lost Ark

After several harrowing films about World War II and Nazism in a row, I went to Raiders of the Lost Ark… which I found out there and then was also about Nazism! Nonetheless, this was a great film with a happy ending. I’m finally glad to be sure I’ve seen Indiana Jones start to finish, as I think I saw one or two of the original trilogy when I was teensy but I didn’t remember them.

30: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Skipping The Temple of Doom as the poster also decided to for some reason, The Last Crusade slightly edged Raiders of the Lost Ark for me for Sean Connery’s brilliant Doctor Jones.

29: Finding Nemo

P Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. The furthest-away address I’ll never forget. Finding Nemo is a glorious adventure, still beautiful to this day, with a great ending and touches of everything Pixar are good at. I love Finding Dory as well and normally watch both back to back these days.

28: interstellar

Nowhere near as iconic as 2001: A Space Odyssey, but a lot more watchable for me personally just because more happened and that stuff was less open-to-interpretation. Fantastic film, this was.

27: Hachi: A Dog’s Tale

I only twigged what this was based off right before the main plot point, and after the credits roll, I locked the bathroom door, sat on the loo and cried my eyes out. Hachi: A Dog’s Tale tells a parallel take of a true story beautifully, and heartbreakingly.

26: Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels

Instant 5 stars for Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. I liked Snatch a lot when I saw it years ago, this film far surpassed it - a wonderful twisty caper of a tale that was near impossible to predict, with a brilliant ending that felt well earnt for all involved. My only major complaint? Wow, was this film sepia-toned!

25: Reservoir Dogs

Everything I love and respect about Quentin Tarantino without the fluff and the tropes and the bizarre shots of bare feet that are held for too long. Reservoir Dogs is a condensed, simple movie about the build-up and aftermath of an event that it only barely glosses over, with a perfect cast of characters and some phenomenal drama between them.

24: The Prestige

Predictably-stellar Christopher Nolan film. Possibly the Christopherest Nolanest film I’ve seen too… if not this, Inception. Not much to say here without ruining at least some part; I’d recommend The Prestige to anyone, but to those who know nothing about it most of all. 5 stars out of 1.

23: Cinema Paradiso

If it’s not clear from some of my other reviews in this list, I really love strong world-building in films, I love films that chronicle a person’s life, and I love films that are tearjerking but not in an intensely sad way. Cinema Paradiso checks all of those boxes at once in a beautiful, emotional adventure of a film.

22: before Sunrise

A couple of films on the poster, including Before Sunrise, made me realise that a weird film style I am super into is the “short story, chronicled simply”. Before Sunrise depicts two people enjoying an evening together and nothing else… and it’s beautiful. I’ll be watching the sequels to this one day for sure.

21: 3 Idiots

One of the earliest films I watched specifically to clear it from the poster, and one of the first major surprise hits from leftfield. A nearing-three-hour Hindi-language film with dance sequences and slapstick shouldn’t’ve been my thing… right? Beautiful, moving film, the runtime flew by. The hug sequence in the hospital alone - 3 Idiots was an instant 5 star movie for me.

20: Spirited Away

I could see this becoming a true favourite of mine, even beyond this poster. Spirited Away is a captivating adventure absolutely stuffed with memorable characters and stunning worldbuilding (something that will always elevate a film beyond others for me). I will be rewatching this again in the future.

19: The Matrix

An allegory for being trans was always gonna make it high, even though the first time I saw it, I didn’t know I was trans and nor did either of its creators! The Matrix is fantastic, an absolute stand out thinker of a movie. I’d also give props to two of the three sequels - Reloaded was a fun, different followup, and Resurrections was an enjoyable throwback. Reloaded also exists.

18: A Beautiful Mind

Brilliant, brilliant film; a tearjerker in the best possible sense. I love a film that covers a whole life, and this was one of the best examples of that I’ve ever seen.

17: 12 Angry Men

12 Angry Men was 100 minutes of a 1950s jury having a big argument about the case they’re on, and nothing else. And it was one of the most consistently absorbing films I’ve ever seen. I cared about the characters seen and unseen and loved the conclusion, remarkably uplifting. Brilliant stuff, beautiful ending.

16: Trainspotting

Things I expected from Trainspotting: trainspotting. Things I did not expect from Trainspotting: an unbelievably harrowing Scottish tale of heroin addiction and one of the most horrifying possessed baby corpse reanimation scenes in history. This is a glorious, unforgettable clusterf**k of a film with an era-defining soundtrack.

15: Airplane!

One of the purest, densest, funniest comedy films I’ve ever seen, if not the single most. It’d take a document 20 times the length of the script to catch every visual joke and off-beat one-liner Airplane! fires at you with a minigun. The time literally flies through this, too - I only watch Airplane! again if I’m okay with it being 90 minutes later in what feels like 10.

14: Intouchables

The foreign-language films on the poster were broadly winners, and this was one of the winningest. Intouchables was gorgeous, definitely one for Emotions Mode™.

13: Saving Private Ryan

What better way to escape the abundance of Nazi films on the Top 100 Movies poster than with a harrowing, ultra-violent, near-three-hour World War II film with an absolutely devastating ending? Stellar movie, really hard to digest for me but the sheer power of a number of the scenes, including the opening beach scene and the final battle scene, make this a stunner.

12: Citizen Kane

One of the highest-rated movies of all time, for reasons that became obvious on watching it, honestly. Citizen Kane was continually captivating as an almost documentary of Kane, featuring multiple people’s accounts of his life and their memories of him, in an extremely charming film of a not-so-charming man. Beautifully shot and still visually impressive nearing a century later.

11: Back to the Future

The Back to the Future trilogy is one I’ve seen so much, I barely know where to start here. I do not differentiate any of the three films from one another; the original is a brilliant first travelling adventure, but the sequels only add further to it, directly building a continuous story, with multiple depictions of places like Hill Valley past and future. A permanent fixture in my life.

10: Amadeus

The fastest-feeling 3 hour movie on the poster. Amadeus was not my kind of film, nor my favoured setting for a movie, and yet it was one of my favourites of the whole poster. I can’t say much more. The film clicked for me in every possible way. Salieri is possibly the villain I felt the strongest hatred for from all 100 of these movies. Just… SO well done. Brilliant film.

9: The Truman Show

When I first saw this a long time ago, I thought it was a regular Jim Carrey comedy like those around it. The Truman Show far transcends that, though - such a fascinating concept which is barely even unrealistic nowadays. I’ve always got time for a rewatch of this.

8: Schindler’s List

I hope never to see this film again. It’s close to perfect.

7: WALL-E

WALL-E is a masterwork in worldbuilding, creating a captivating place you can see and feel as he rolls around cubing trash and caring for his cockroach… and then the film pivots halfway in and does it all over again in the futuristic Axiom. WALL-E is my favourite Pixar movie, and one of my favourite movies period.

6: Blade Runner

Blade Runner and The Warriors were the films that cemented a style I love - dystopian futures depicted in media from the 70s through to the 90s - which I feel were barely touched on with the poster (Logan’s Run, Soylent Green, Demolition Man etc). It’s that pesky worldbuilding I love in movies again. Blade Runner has a world I want to visit and explore and experience. The sequel’s one I gotta watch.

5: Into the Wild

I cried from my soul thanks to Into the Wild. Knowing this was at least somewhat true to a real story… a firm new film in my top 10 or 20 or so of all time. I won’t be watching it again in a hurry though, at least until I know I’m emotionally ready for it.

4: The SHawshank Redemption

I’m sorry, Rebecca! Probably 15 years ago, I was recommended this film… she was absolutely right. Made me deeply connect with, and feel empathy, towards its major characters, then fully rewarded that with the absolute perfect possible final third.

3: Apocalypse Now

This movie went places. Phenomenal film, VERY long (I only found out after the credits rolled that I’d got the three hour Final Cut, not the 2 hour 20 original), but Apocalypse Now became a firm favourite film in one watch. I’m so happy I had no idea about its plot when I saw it, too. There’s no predicting where this one goes, besides “up the river”.

2: Léon: The Professional

This film landed hard for me. It managed to stay on the right side of the sinister line that American Beauty didn’t, and then beyond that, it was a constantly-captivating action film with a heart punch of an ending that was utterly perfect. I’ve had Sting’s Shape Of My Heart pop up in my head at least once a week since I saw Léon, and it makes me emotional all over again.

1: A Clockwork Orange

Glossed on with Blade Runner a few entries ago, but quintessential here. A Clockwork Orange is an unrealistic future dystopia. It’s at-times vile. Everyone’s an arsehole. It’s so violent. And in the end, the film builds a villain so detestable, you end up rooting for a man that you shouldn’t. The ending is a satisfying redemption for a character that should have been irredeemable but this film is so immersive that I was rooting for that absolute prick, and I’d do it again.

Heatmap of favour versus expectations

Favourite Games (2022) by Allison James

An updated ranking of my now-top-50 games!

Rules:
- No two games from the same base franchise (spin-off franchises count separately)
- No games which will be impossible to play after a server shutdown occurs. Heavily-online games which still have offline components and games with local multiplayer are okay
- No board game video games, I do love board games but I’m too inexperienced with the wider spectrum of board games to have a good widespread grasp on them
- Nothing I haven’t finished yet, which excludes Sonic Frontiers, a game I expect to have in my top 50 in 2023

Honourable mentions that, in some cases, break the above rules
Antichamber
Apex Legends
Board Game Arena (all of it)
Cluedo
Cyberpunk 2077
Jackbox Party Pack 6
PlayStation Home
Sonic Frontiers
Street Fighter X Tekken
Ticket to Ride
Town of Salem
Tsuro

The List

50. My Time at Portia (* NEW ENTRY)

49. Paradise Killer (* New Entry)

48. Jak 3 (+ HM)

47. Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst (* NEW ENTRY)

46. Retro City Rampage DX (* NEW ENTRY)

45. Gravity Rush (+ HM)

44. Portal 2 (- 18)

43. Tetris Effect (+ HM)

42. Gorogoa (* NEW ENTRY)

41. Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles (* NEW ENTRY)

40. Unreal Tournament: GOTY Edition (+ HM)

39. Psychonauts (- 19)

38. The Elder Scrolls v: Skyrim (* NEW ENTRY)

37. Crazy Taxi (- 25)

36: Spider-Man: miles Morales (+ HM)

35: Gitaroo Man (+ HM)

34: Beat Saber (+ HM)

33: Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (* NEW ENTRY)

32. Rocket League (+ HM)

31. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (- 16)

30. Skate 3 (- 14)

Shares its spot with Skate 2, I play both a lot. I don’t hold out a world of hope for the upcoming new Skate game, but I’m open minded and will give it a damn good try.

29. Crash Team Racing: Nitro Fuelled (= 29)

I love Mario Kart, but I love CTR more. I love CTR so much, it basically knocked Mario Kart out of contention - the little nippy hops you can do, the boosts you can attain in Nitro-Fuelled, and the expansive level selection (rivalled only by MK8D) is fantastic.

28. Animal Crossing: New Horizons (+ HM)

Upgraded a little from its Honourable Mention spot in 2021 due to my slight broadening of what I’d count - casual experiences are allowed now, and this is the best of those.

27. Hogs of War (= 27)

RIP Rik Mayall.

26. Crash Bandicoot: The N-Sane Trilogy (* New Entry)

Warped is my favourite of the 3 by far - and the only one I can consistently complete - but this trilogy is a great pack of three classics. I like Crash Bandicoot 4 as well, but the difficulty of 4 (like the first two) push 3 to be my favourite Crash platformer.

25. Grand Theft Auto V (- 21 Grand Theft Auto IV)

GTAV replaces IV, its predecessor, this year thanks to a fresh playthrough of the fifth Grand Theft Auto on its PlayStation 5 release. While not a ground-breaking port by any means, it was solid, affordable, and the game honestly has hardly aged a day in nine years. This was my first full playthrough of Grand Theft Auto V since its PS4 port came out eight years ago and it feels as fresh and life-packed now as it ever did.

24. Deus Ex: Mankind Divided (- 20)

A game I’ve replaced lately and it always hurts me that the game is effectively only half of a duology unlikely to ever see completion. The main area you live in is a beautifully-built-up place that is a joy to explore every nook and cranny of, but then the missions that take you elsewhere are anywhere from decent to overly short and unenjoyable. The ending is also so… abrupt! Mankind Divided nonetheless slightly edges Human Revolution for me for its improved controls and its colour palette not just being orange, brown and orangey brown.

23. Frequency (+ HM)

Shares a place with Amplitude, upgrading from 2021 Honourable Mentions thanks to its ever-fun gameplay and increasingly-nostalgic 2000s setlist.

22. Spyro: Reignited Trilogy (- 17)

A trilogy as good as ever, I replayed Year of the Dragon this year, once again to 117%, and am excited to revisit the original and Gateway to Glimmer at some point.

21. Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 (- 15)

I’ve replayed several of the Tony Hawk franchise in the past few months thanks to strong PS2 emulation on Steam Deck and can attest to how much they hold up. THPS4 is a little wobblier than I remember, but Underground (save for a few dud missions) is brilliant with a compelling story, Underground 2 is a fabulous all-rounder with Jackass nostalgia, American Wasteland is great if short and easy entry, and THPS3 is a tight classic entry. It’s heart-breaking that Activision have thrown Vicarious Visions into the depressing Warzone fire and killed off any chance of a 3+4 remaster.

20. Uncharted 4 (+ 28)

2022 saw a PS5 version of Uncharted 4 and Uncharted Lost Legacy released at a decent price, so I took the excuse to play 4 again, and Lost Legacy for the first time. Great choice, beautiful games. Lost Legacy can be considered a joint placing here, only losing honours to 4 for the shorter length - but both games are worth anyone’s time.

19. Ape Escape 3 (- 11)

Ape Escape 3 is an amazing game, and it makes me sad that the series has been treated by Sony in reverse order - the original has a native PS5 port with a platinum trophy and everything, Ape Escape 2 a more bare-bones PS2 edition for PS4, while the phenomenal third entry is just stuck on PS2. It deserves so much more.

18. Bully (- 5)

Oh, how the mighty falls again. I still love Bully, but it’s definitely getting long in the tooth these days. Rockstar, please. Remaster it. And not in the GTA Definitive Edition way.

17. LittleBigPlanet (* NEW ENTRY)

This is one I can’t believe I overlooked last year. LittleBigPlanet, particularly the original, holds some strong memories for me. It was the first game I truly played online with friends, coming out soon after I got broadband internet, and was one I spent a lot of time creating levels and experiments in. LBP2 expanded the original impressively, as did LBP3 - although I didn’t play that one nearly as much.

16. Burnout Revenge (+ 26 Burnout Paradise)

Burnout Revenge and Burnout Paradise remain interchangeable for me, the former being the zenith of the series’ linear combat racing and the latter a fantastic explorable world ripe for hours of enjoyment. I swap Paradise with Revenge this year thanks to Steam Deck’s strong PS2 emulation meaning I can now retire my Xbox 360 disc for solo sessions of Revenge.

15. Far Cry 6 (+ 30 Far Cry 5)

Far Cry sees a boost with the 2022 instalment, which I found to be an improvement over the fifth game thanks to its larger, livelier world, its removal of the weird forced story progression events, and Giancarlo Esposito being expectedly phenomenal.

14. Mashed: Fully Loaded (+ 22)

Strong as ever, and continuously enjoyable thanks to a PC port that, while a little rough, is still playable, and can be played online over Parsec.

13. Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask (- 7)

The Professor Layton series remains a cherished one. It was this year I discovered that the original trilogy is on mobile, with some excellent ports - these have been a lovely way to kick off replays, and I hope they can port the prequel trilogy as well in time.

12. The Witness (+ 13)

Remarkably replayable for a game with set visual puzzles.

11. Hitman III (+ 12)

There’s been little motion in Hitman III, but it stays extremely strong for me purely thanks to the accessibility of the entire World of Assassination within it - it is only with that that I rank it so highly. The third game has a few really strong levels, my favourites being the Berghain-inspired underground nightclub and the testing facility in the rainy Chongqing night, but it’s the added availability of levels like Sapienza and Miami that make this total package strong.

10. A Hat in Time (* NEW ENTRY)

I can’t believe I skipped over this in my 2021 list. A Hat in Time is a stunning 3D platformer, and with co-op multiplayer and some excellent additional levels via DLC, it only goes from strength to strength.

9. Tearaway Unfolded (+ 10)

High up on my “to play again” list, Tearaway Unfolded remains underappreciated. If you have a PS4, PS5 or PS Vita, I beg you to play Tearaway or Tearaway Unfolded if you haven’t.

8. BioShock Infinite (+ 9)

I’ve wiped away the debt twice and I’ll do it again, dammit.

7. The Outer Worlds (+ 8)

I’ve played through The Outer Worlds a third time this year, and it keeps going from strength to strength. Cannot wait for the sequel - all I need it to be is the original with new (outer) worlds, a few screws tightened, and maybe a little more variation in the choices to increase replayability, since I’ve had three different TOW1 endings now and they always end in the same way and same place.

6. Super Mario odyssey (= 6)

I’ve not played this game in a while, but my enjoyment of videos of speedrunners, modders and deep-dives means Super Mario Odyssey is as fresh as ever on my mind over 5 years since it first launched.

5. Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart (- 4)

Remains a game I wish I could experience fresh - I think I could still map every level out off by heart. Rift Apart is likely to be one I revisit sooner rather than later… probably to 100% again. If it comes out on PC in 2023, that’ll be my in.

4. Pokémon Violet (+ 24 Pokémon Shield)

For the first time, Pokémon has a clear singular favourite game for me… and a clear second favourite too in Pokémon Legends: Arceus. Violet is everything I ever dreamt of - an explorable, massive open world with a ton to do, and so much to collect. Shininess being visible in the wild (a change from Shield) guarantees that Pokémon Violet will occupy me for many, many hours beyond the story conclusion.

I wish it ran better, but that doesn’t detract from how into Pokémon Violet I am.

3. Fallout 4 (- 2)

Remains my favourite action RPG… for now. Bring on Starfield, I guess.

2. Watch Dogs 2 (+ 3)

A fifth (yes) playthrough of Watch Dogs 2 edges it above Fallout 4 this year. I just can’t seem to get tired of its formula - I’m in absolute love with the way you can complete almost every mission by holing Marcus up somewhere outside of any active threat and using remote gadgetry, false APBs and gang attacks, and little droppable grenades to complete everything second-hand. It’s everything Watch Dogs 1 promised to be, and everything I wish Watch Dogs Legion had still been - the sequel’s total removal of APBs and skewing of drone mechanics destroyed what keeps me coming back to its predecessor.

1. Tombi (= 1)

It’s a firm #1 place for Tombi, a game I can always kick open and finish in a few playthroughs. My 2021 list's entry for it says it all.

My Top 30 Games of All Time / 2021 by Allison James

Adjusted for 2021, this is my top 30 games of all time. The only rule is: one game per franchise. (Where necessary I will also list other games from entry franchises that are important to me.)

Spiritual. PlayStation Home

Is it cheating a little bit? Sure. Originally this was 30th, but it was not a game. But I have such fond memories of PlayStation Home, and (perhaps against most people’s perception) is one of the most important things I ever played. I got my legal name from PlayStation Home, spent hundreds of hours with old and new friends on it, and got to explore so many video game locations in such a unique way that I’ll remember PlayStation Home forever.

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30. Far Cry 5

A series that was mostly entertaining to me had its peak with its latest major entry so far, Far Cry 5. I loved the new aesthetic, the incredible pause music, the ability to finally play as a woman, and the memorability of all four major antagonists.

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29. Crash Team Racing

I’ve always had an appreciation for the Crash Bandicoot series, but never got on with their difficulty. To date I’ve only managed to complete three of them - Crash 3, CTR, and with great pain (and owing to the infinite lives), Crash 4. Crash Team Racing definitely takes it for the series as a whole thanks to its accessibility, nostalgia, and how fun the original remains even in the wake of the also-excellent Nitro Fuelled.

28. Uncharted 4

In the future, I think Uncharted 4 is the game most likely to be knocked off my favourites list by something else. A phenomenal ender (nb. I’ve not played Lost Legacy) to a trilogy that helped define the PlayStation 3, and a breathtaking showcase of what PS4 could do with a lot of fun set pieces that was broadly made fantastically.

27. Hogs of War

Hogs of War is my favourite Worms game. There’s just something about it - it’s not flawless, but the roamable worlds, the pick-up-and-play that ensures I can play it with friends even after 10 years of not doing so, and perhaps most importantly, the impeccable voiceover work from Rik Mayall, one of my favourite human beings.

26. Burnout Paradise

I wanted to put this a lot higher. The reason I didn’t? When only choosing one game per franchise, Burnout suffers - I have always kept copies of Paradise AND Revenge around. They’re a total power couple, offering everything that the entire Burnout franchise ever excelled at between them. So sure, special note to Burnout Revenge, but the place goes to the one I probably played a little more, Paradise.

25. Crazy Taxi

Ya ya ya ya ya! I’ve not got a lot of pure nostalgia spots on this list - as games get bigger and better, they tend to override my favour. But nothing has ever beaten the feel of a 10 minute session of Crazy Taxi every now and then, it’s a timeless experience even 23 years after its original release. Just have to make sure I play the version with the Offspring and Bad Religion soundtrack.

24. Pokémon Shield

Some what of another victim of “one game per franchise”. Pokémon Shield is not the most important instalment of one of my most important-definining game series. It’s not the one that was the best at the time. But, for me, it’s the best one now. It’s the one I’d pick up for a 2021 session of Pokémon. It’s the closest to my dream Pokémon game - big explorable expanses with hundreds of monsters to catch and breed for hours.

Special credit goes to: Pokémon Yellow for being my first; Pokémon Silver for being my second; Pokémon Gold for being the one I got in France and completed anyway; Pokémon TCG (GameBoy) for the immesne soundtrack; Pokémon Pinball for being superb for pick-up-and-play; Pokémon Snap for being a monstrously playable videogame even to this day (the sequel’s great too); Pokémon Ranger for nearly knackering my DS; Pokémon Black for being my reintroduction to the series; Pokémon Omega Ruby for housing the birth of my love of shiny hunting; and Pokémon SoulSilver for Voltorb Flip.

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23. WarioWare! Touched

I was torn between this and the GBA original, but I think Touched got the longer playtime for me. I still have my original DS copy, completed and played up to the eyeballs. What a perfect, perfect portable experience those first two games were - WarioWare just didn’t quite have the same magic in the GameCube console version, and newer versions have tended to be a little messed up by their gimmicks. Gold was a bit of a return to form, but playing so many of the old games with such a mix of gimmicks all at once made it pretty incohesive. Fingers crossed for the Switch WarioWare coming out this year.

22. Mashed: Fully Loaded

This is my favourite multiplayer game of all time; I couldn’t exclude Mashed. A stunning little title, expanding on the ideas of the Micro Machines games with a little shade of realism, Mashed is instantly pick-up-able and yet so, so competitive to play that you constantly feel like you’re developing new tactics. I wish the game wasn’t so hard to play these days - the PC version on Steam lacks the bells and whistles of Fully Loaded and takes a bit of poking to play in high resolutions, while console versions are stuck on PS2. And the pseudo-sequel, Wrecked: Revenge Revisited, was broadly a bit of a downgrade.

21. Grand Theft Auto IV

Grand Theft Auto, for a time, was my favourite franchise. It’s still stunning - it’s just that my priorities have changed, and the gritty “everyone is awful” atmosphere every GTA either side of Vice City isn’t so much my thing any more. Furthermore, while the most influential GTA for me is III, my favourite setting is Vice City, and the best at the time was San Andreas, I find the entire PS2 GTA anthology in modern times is almost unplayable thanks to frustrating difficulty spikes. IV is the best balance of the old and the new for me - I can still play it, I still get the feeling from it I used to, and thanks in no small part to the two major DLC packs it got, it’s a stellar all-rounder.

Special credit to GTAV, but IV takes it for soundtrack, story and DLC reasons, as well as filesize annoyances. I can’t often find enough interest in playing GTAV to install 100GB+ of hefty game including online gumpf I don’t care about, whereas GTAIV is a fraction of that. Also special credit to GTA 1 and 2, which introduced me to the series, although didn’t compel me in quite the same way (the immersion of the 3D world was what really brought me into the series).

20. Deus Ex: Mankind Divided

Deus Ex is one of those series I got into late. Completely missing the first wave of instalments, my introduction to the series was 2012’s Human Revolution. That was a fantastic game which I can no longer play because of how unconventional its controls are - iron-sights on L3 will never not break my brain.

Mankind Divided rectified these issues while providing an equally compelling experience, with wonderful semi-open areas I can while away hours in cracking open every door and safe, hoovering up little slices of lore and scavenging. It seems like Mankind Divided may (against the original intention) have been the swansong for Deus Ex, which is heart-wrenching if true - there was so much more for this series to give, and to see Mankind Divided these days sell for so little when it’s given me so many hours of enjoyment is a shame.

19. Psychonauts

Once, in the late 2000s, a contender for my favourite game of all time, Psychonauts has significantly dropped these days but is still very firmly and deservingly in my top 30. A fiercely memorable, breathtaking platformer, let down a little by a couple of shaky levels and an infuriating difficulty spike with an annoying point of no return that makes finishing the game the low point of it. Still, that cannot take away fully from its highlights, the highest being the Milkman Conspiracy, which is probably still my all-time favourite level in a game.

18. Portal 2

Portal 2 is a rare case of a game I felt nostalgic towards days after first finishing it. It’s the expansion and improbable perfection of the formula the first Portal already knocked out of the park. New characters that match GLaDoS on sinister comedy, an array of settings and new mechanics that keep such a basic core idea remarkably fresh, and even an entirely separate equal-length two-player campaign with its own story and characters. One of the greatest puzzle games of all time.

17. Spyro: Reignited Trilogy

If you consider this cheating, replace it with just Spyro: Year of the Dragon. But all three are a joy to play in Reignited, with its beautiful enhanced graphics, superior controls and consistency (I rarely touched the original Spyro game in the PS1 era because I found his voice and the different SFX strange, having been introduced to the series with 2 and 3). It also takes the edge off a couple of the difficulty spikes, notably the bit in Spyro 2 where you’re catching crystals against Hunter and the awful mole escort mission in Spyro 3. There’s still one brutal bit - Agent 9’s on-rails western shooting gallery - but one side area in one mission of one game does not sour a stunning trilogy of games that were my first true gaming loves.

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16. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Ooooh I wanted to put this in a higher spot. So much. My favourite system of all time is now the Nintendo Switch - for my money, it already has a mix of the most diverse, modern-era and retro library any console can legally provide. And Breath of the Wild was my introduction to that. I’ve only played it in one period - the month of March 2017 following the console and the game’s release - in which time I spent 200 hours immersed in the world of Hyrule, enamoured with the game as a whole.

It’s a game so strong that it dethroned Minish Cap from its original safe spot in my favourites. It’s so strong that it knocked Skyrim out of contention. The only reason it’s not higher? I don’t know if I ever want to play it again - that first run through was a breath-taking voyage of discovery, and despite being four and a half years removed from it, I still remember it like it was yesterday.

15. Tony Hawk’s Underground 2

This and #13 can be considered joint placements because I can’t separate my two skating babies. The arcadier of the two series, Tony Hawk’s has been with me since I first owned a PlayStation in 1999 and it came with a demo disc that included a demo of Tony Hawk’s Skateboarding. I followed the series near-religiously from then until the dark Robomodo days, and find it extremely difficult to pick a favourite from the series with all these contenders:

  • Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 is nostalgic for being the first full Tony Hawk’s game I owned, but nowadays is pretty stiff to play and lacks many core moves like reverts

  • Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 was my second-ever PS3 game and is much more playable but again lacks a lot of the newer move pool

  • Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4 is the earliest game that contains a move pool where I don’t miss any newer moves too much (spine transfers baby!) and was the first to ditch classic mode, but has some very iffy missions and the levels aren’t the best selection of the series

  • Tony Hawk’s Underground contains the best story and the best levels, let down by awful often-mandatory driving and non-skating missions and difficulty spikes towards the end

  • Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 basically perfects the move pool at the cost of the compelling story that only THUG1 really tried, although I do have a lot of nostalgia for Jackass so it works for me at least a little

  • Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland has the “ultimate” move pool and I’ve always loved one big open world even when it’s reasonably compromised, and there’s even BMXing that is remarkably fun, but it’s very bloated and the story is weirdly easy and short

  • Tony Hawk’s Project 8 (PS3) is the most explorable single area of the series and was one of my first PS3 games, but the humour swings and misses more than any previous entry and a lot of the THAW additions were carved out

  • and Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2, which was an incredible return to form, is beautiful, expansive, replayable, and also is limited to classic mode, which hurts it for me - I always preferred the singular goal format introduced by THPS4

Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 takes it in the end - just by an inch. It’s the finest balance of what I love about the series.

14. Skate 3

As stated above, this and THUG2 are equals - and so are Skate 3 and Skate 2. I’m giving the spot to 3 purely because it feels like 3 takes a lot of abuse compared to 2, and I’m calling it now - bs, Skate 3 is a phenomenal entry.

More of a sim series, Skate started off shaky (literally - the camera in the original game is nauseating) but you could toggle to a more normal one in Skate 2 and by Skate 3 the better camera was straight-up default. And the games are just superb - a wonderful move set to get to grips with, fabulous expansive open worlds (one large location in 2, three still-formidable separate areas in 3), and to boot, a lot of fun features that make Skate 2 and 3, for me, two of the best games you can have for on-the-side distraction and aimless relaxing time-killing. The only thing I never liked were ANY of the actual missions - the games are strictly sandboxes for me.

13. The Witness

My favourite indie game of all time, my second favourite puzzle game of all time, and one of my favourite “let’s just be in a world and do what we want because it’s directionless” games goes to The Witness. I’m actively jealous at how simple the premise is and yet how much utility it has across this entire game - it’s used in so many ways throughout The Witness that your brain starts melting.

What I really love about The Witness is how deep it goes - not in terms of the (slightly pretentious) readings of classic quotes, but by just how much the game has to offer if you’re willing to dig. You can complete like half of the towers and waltz over to the exit and reach an ending, sure, but the harder you look, the more the game gives you. This digging kind of culminates in a sequence known as “The Challenge” which puts you through a procedurally-generated stress-inducing gauntlet from hell complete with that part of the Peer Gynt Suite that I burst into tears before I completed it.

But I did complete it. And I will never do it again.

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12. Hitman III

Taboo fact of the day to any Hitman fans: Absolution was my entry point into the series. Less taboo fact: okay yeah after I’d played Hitman (2016) and seen how the more open formula fared, I’d never go back to Absolution.

The World of Assassination trilogy of Hitman that ended with this year’s Hitman III was a trio of stunners, ticking the majority of my boxes - “here are expansive places”, “most of the doors are openable”, “there is no time sensitivity, spend hours exploring and collecting if you want idk” and “yeah sure kill literally every NPC in the map if you want to, I don’t care”.

And what a trilogy, with so many level, story, and dynamic high points. The first time I killed everyone in Marrakesh. Hiding in a cupboard in The Isle of Sgail and eliminating the level’s entire security staff one unlucky entrant at a time. The first time seeing the beautiful underground nightclub in Berlin as one of my first PS5 experiences. All three games had levels I’d never want to be without - for any other such strong trilogy, the three games would have been fighting for my favourite. But with this series, you can import the entire level pool and story from 1 and 2 into III, so III wins by default - it’s the third game, and all three games, at the same time. And by the end of it all, it’s probably the biggest single tied experience on this list.

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11. Ape Escape 3

Hitman III nearly knocked this out of my top 10, but… it couldn’t. Ape Escape 3, the pinnacle of the main trilogy of Ape Escape games (and all three games are 9+/10 for me), is one of the most interesting, surprising games out there. The series as a whole has such a unique feel and gameplay loop - traditional 3D platforming, with open-map exploration, and then tactics and stealth as you work out the best way for any given monkey to get close and capture them with your net.

Every monkey has its own name, personality, and tendencies, which you can discover with a radar, something that gave the Ape Escape games a crazy level of depth that I don’t feel like really became the norm until things like Watch Dogs added NPC profiling. But on the whole, yes, Ape Escape is a trilogy of wonderful games that take a little getting used to but broadly haven’t really aged at all - I can still pick up any of them and complete them happily.

10. Tearaway Unfolded

Just squeaking into the top 10 is, in lieu of the Vita’s Tearaway (which I didn’t ever manage to play), the PS4 port Tearaway Unfolded. The love was instant - Tearaway is a beautiful, diverse game that uses a lot of gimmicks but all to fantastic effect, with an awe-inspiring soundtrack and a perfect game length that pairs fun gameplay with remarkable atmosphere. The game is like Nintendo at their A-game mixed with the technology of Sony systems, and I’d recommend it to anyone in the market for a platformer.

9. BioShock Infinite

Bring us the girl, and wipe away the debt. BioShock Infinite was a total surprise to me - I bought it on a whim despite the horror elements of the original BioShock and its sequel making those two games unplayable for me. What I ended up with was a beautiful game, with a setting I adore, gameplay I find fun with that “explore in your own time and clear out areas of loot that feels actually useful and usable” je ne sais quoi I’ve mentioned loving in other entries and that will continue to dominate a lot of this list.

A lovely story and a unique (at the time - I’m aware this theming has since found its way into several other games) complete the package. BioShock Infinite also ousted the likes of Dishonored from the list - I loved that game as well, but any time I’d want to play that, I’d always probably just play BioShock Infinite instead.

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8. The Outer Worlds

This was my surprise entry of the entire list. I honestly wouldn’t’ve pegged it for an entry here, but every time I paired it with games that have already been here, it kept being favourable. It’s the damn genre.

The Outer Worlds takes some of the elements of what I love about Fallout and puts them in a collection of smaller, sometimes denser, locations, largely to great effect. There’s the odd duff location, but they’re made up for by so many other amazing ones - the sinister glitz of Byzantium and the small civilisation of the Groundbreaker spring to mind as game highlights. Anything that lets me create a version of myself wins a lot of points for me, too.

The Outer Worlds is imperfect as a game in its own right, but the last thing that really elevates it for me is hope (pun not intended but the Hope elevating is a great pun so ner) - it’s a phenomenal establishing game. I couldn’t be more excited for The Outer Worlds 2 if I tried. Knock out the point of no return, make it a little more expansive (TOW ended fairly abruptly when you’re used to Fallout’s length) and throw in some settlement stuff so I can Allie and The Outer Worlds 2 will be a force majeure.

7. Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask

The representative of a septet of stunners - I don’t have a true favourite, but Miracle Mask had a beautiful location and was the series’ 3DS introduction. The Professor Layton series as a whole, though, is about as tailored for me as anything could be. Lateral-thinking puzzles accessible through an explorable world tied together with a story - absolutely divine.

I just hope the series comes back in some form. It’s a shame Layton’s Mystery Journey: Katrielle and the Millionaires’ Conspiracy still had a lot of what I loved about the six preceding Layton games and Katrielle was an amazing protagonist but was let down by a lot of rough puzzles, a butler that kept trying to escape the friendzone and a dog called (I wish I was lying) Sherl O.C. Kholmes that would not shut the f**k up.

Even just a port of the first six (or the first three!) to Switch would be a phenomenal start.

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6. Super Mario Odyssey

This was the game that made the Nintendo Switch feel immortal. Already having possibly the strongest launch year in a console’s history, with Breath of the Wild, a new Splatoon, a deluxe port of Mario Kart 8 and some promising weird stuff like Arms, Super Mario Odyssey came along and blew me away.

It’s that formula again - “here big world do whatever”. But then Odyssey is so much more than that - because all those little nooks and crannies lead to reams of challenges of various shapes and sizes, from little separated platforming areas to whole 2D levels to unique control style challenges. It’s all tied together with the game’s signature character, Cappy, allowing you to capture things temporarily for a wider specialised move pool. And everything’s just done so perfectly that it broke my heart to reach the end of the game and know I had to go back to the average 2017 experience again.

Super Mario Odyssey is an absolute beast of a game, from a series that continues to inspire with every generation it’s a part of.

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5. Bully

Oh, how the mighty fall.

Bully, until I decided to crack open Notepad and start ordering by my 2021 gaming preferences, was my #1 favourite game of all time. Rockstar’s signature open-world format established in GTA, but condensed from bloated cities with entire streets of nothing to do to a smaller town and school campus that still packed in the activities, and in a unique setting I’ve yet to see replicated successfully.

Bully’s bank of missions covers some of the quirkiest topics that no other game’s ever touched, including a stealth raid of the girls’ dormitory for a dodgy PE teacher, to the takedown of a sports team via mascot sabotage, to more leftfield later-game stuff like exploring a power station and fighting King of the Greasers in a junkyard. But it doesn’t stop there - the game has a wealth of side missions, school lessons, collectibles and activities that add to your abilities and your inventory and really complete Bully - on any given in-game day you can be fully productive towards story advancement, or do lessons, or explore, or just mess around, and you’ll have a good time whatever you plump for.

Why isn’t Bully still #1? Age. It’s suffered just a little bit - it has some of the PS2 Rockstar traits that prove a little frustration in modern times, like a mission failure resulting in a total boot-out back to the open world even when said mission is 20+ minutes long.

That doesn’t detract a lot, though - Bully is still absolutely worthy of #5, some fifteen years after its original release.

4. Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart

And this is the reason the mighty fall.

Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart is two things - my favourite platformer game of all time, and at time of writing, the last game I finished. There’s definitely at least a little “new game sheen”, but I can say with confidence that Rift Apart is my absolute favourite Ratchet & Clank game, a series that for me is the most consistently-entertaining (counting the main line entries at least) out there. I can always pick up a Ratchet & Clank game and know I’ve got 10 or 20 hours of great fun ahead of me.

But Rift Apart adds so, so much to that formula. The old’s still there - you get the expansive diverse arsenal of exotic weaponry to kick the crap out of hordes of eviltons with. But the new is evolutionary - the ability (once unlocked) to zip around at high speed on hover skates in any location makes level traversal a joy. The actual rifts are oftentimes an amazing addition - the biggest highlights for me are when boss fights are randomly interrupted with an instant scene change or the racing level in the arena (the arena’s back!) takes you through chunks of every setting in the entire game in a minute flat.

And it looks stunning. It’s a technical powerhouse and a PlayStation 5 showcase, but that’s not all it is - it’s also a masterclass in world design. There are fewer planets in Rift Apart than previous entries but each one is about a hundred times more alive and deep-feeling than anything before it - and you can see all of it, all the time.

Super Mario Odyssey may have a few more nooks and crannies, but Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart topples it in my list - by a whisker - by the sheer scope and the second-to-none atmosphere consistent throughout the entire game.

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3. Watch Dogs 2

My favourite “crime sandbox” game, and it’s not close. I’ll give love to the other contenders - Sleeping Dogs, the rest of GTA, Saints Row 2 and The Third, and Watch Dogs Legion, but the second game wins for a very specific, very silly reason.

The qualities true across all three Watch Dogs games first - I adore an explorable open world, and the more to do in it, the better. And it turns out that giving people a name, job, income, tagline and small back story? That’s all I need for hundreds of hours of exploring, scanning and imagining. But there’s a lot more - the world hacking makes for a load of great possibilities I find myself yearning for if I play any other crime sandbox game.

What elevates Watch Dogs 2 above 1 and 3, besides San Francisco being a far brighter and more diverse experience than either Chicago or London, for me is how missions are structured. For one, almost every mission is the same basic idea - area, full of baddies, complete object with or without baddies dying. So you’re never stuck in some dodgy mandatory side-mission like having to defeat an AWFUL boss in Legion. For the other, you can unlock a few key things - a jumper and a drone, both deployable, for remote objective completion, and gang and police APBs to falsely have baddies in the level taken down.

You can complete a lot of Watch Dogs 2 without ever setting either of Marcus’ feet into the boundaries of the level you’re on. And I find that captivating. I will absolutely spend an hour on something I could rush in five minutes if it means sitting a little jumper on a truck and remotely guiding the truck outside with a bunch of little hacks here and there.

These hacks can be used outside of missions too for some of the wildest chaotic dynamic moments. Like if there’s a little Bratva-controlled area guarding a bag of money - call a rival gang on one of them, call the police on another one, stand back, watch the chaos ensue.

In five years of owning Watch Dogs 2 I have completed it four times, and I hope that is the ultimate testament to how much I love it.

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2. Fallout 4

My ultimate action-RPG-Bethesda-em-up, Fallout 4 adds a few things that absolutely blew everything else away for me.

On top of the standard fantastic gameplay, Fallout 4 introduces settlement building. The moment I saw that, I knew my time was screwed. Across three major save files I’ve probably built up 50 areas as far as the object limit would allow me, with a few biggies taking 10+ hours by themselves - my original save file’s Taffington Boathouse springs to mind, which is where I painstakingly optimised things to get the Benevolent Leader trophy and finally platinum the game on PS4.

There are elements of 3 and New Vegas I do wish had propagated into 4, but on the whole, 4 is so far up my Hangman’s Alley that the decision to put Fallout 4 #2 all time was extremely easy.

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Honourable Mentions

I’ll be quick:

Miitopia and Animal Crossing New Leaf miss out because it feels weird to me putting something so “experiential” in my favourites. They’re almost not games to me - they’re just part of me.

Tetris Effect is not here for a similar reason. I just can’t compare it to anything I have on this list, it appeals to me in such a different way.

Jak 3 and Spider-Man Miles Morales miss just for being in genres I’ve already got so many favourites in.

Gravity Rush and a handful of others miss out because I have a huge fondness for them, but realistically, I can’t see myself ever wanting to play them again.

A few games missed out as I limited the number of spots multiplayer games could take up in favour of games I could rely on continuously enjoying regardless of my company. This impacted eg. the Worms franchise, the Jackbox Party Packs, Rocket League, Unreal Tournament GOTY, board game adaptations etc. There are occasional exceptions where games are so important to me that I couldn’t exclude them.

Beat Saber, Gitaroo Man, Frequency and Amplitude are all games I want to give nods to for being my favourite rhythm games - I haven’t included those on the list purely because my increasing terribleness at rhythm games means I play them a lot less.

A couple of games are disqualified for being too difficult for me to appreciate as much as I’d want to - here’s looking at you, Baba Is You.

Lastly, anything I suspect I will like but haven’t finished or reached yet is obviously not eligible yet. I’m still partway through Cyberpunk 2077 and have been more impressed than I expected - this might end up squeaking in later on.

Let’s go!

1. Tombi

Fallout 4 was, at the time I started compiling my list, the definite unshakable #1. The more I thought about it though, the more there was only one #1 in my mind. It’s the one where no other game matches it in gameplay style or gamefeel.

If I wanted an action RPG, I could play Fallout 4, sure. Or I could get my fix with The Outer Worlds, or Skyrim, or even BioShock Infinite. Crime sandbox? Watch Dogs Legion or Sleeping Dogs are perfectly adequate if I’ve had too much WD2. I have options, there are plenty of contenders.

There isn’t a game like Tombi (Tomba in US). It did get a sequel, Tombi 2, but that feels like it exists as somewhat of an inferior extension of the original, with uglier more-badly-aged 3D graphics and weirdly awful music - the original Tombi’s soundtrack contains earworm after earworm.

In over 20 years, Tombi hasn’t aged a day beyond the resolution it runs at. It’s still as fun, it’s still as appealing, the art design is still as eye-catching, unique and varied across the entire game. And every little scrap of it, down to your move set, is totally unique to Tombi. You don’t jump on enemies to kill them - you jump on them to grab them, then you frontflip and throw them with the might of Zeus into walls, cacti, off-screen, or even into other enemies for combos. Or you clonk them with a mace. Or you jump on a puffball and yeet it into their stupid faces.

And this silly, funny platformer RPG also has an inventory and quest mechanics with unique challenges.

I don’t want to say anything specific, because if you’re reading this - please play Tombi if you haven’t. It was on the PS3 store last time I checked. It’s expensive as hell to actually buy an original copy. But we’re living in the age of high-speed internet, and it’s a 20-odd-year-old video game. Just… you know. It’s like 200 megs. ePSXe is tiny. No shame when it’s so impossible to buy for a reasonable price on any system you’d still have plugged in.

Tombi is my favourite game of all time.

Shown: the proudest item in my game collection

Shown: the proudest item in my game collection

Ranked: Pixar Films by Allison James

I love Pixar films. Very much. They’ve been around me for a long, long time - Toy Story came out when I was 4 and was my first 3D-animated film (as well as generally the first). A Bug’s Life was the first film I saw at the cinema. Monsters, Inc was my first ever owned DVD. WALL-E was my first Blu-Ray.

So here’s my personal ranking of every single one, as I’ve seen them all. Only includes Pixar, not Disney animation, and full feature-length films up to Onward (if I remember, I will update this here and there with any new ones).

It’s all down to opinion too - this doesn’t reflect general consensus! Ranked from least favourite to favourite.

Monsters University

This is the only Pixar film I don’t actually like. I do need to give it another go one day, but I found myself quite bored and disappointed with Monsters University - I think my general distaste for prequels works against this one sadly.

A Bug’s Life

Good film by every metric, A Bug’s Life also had a pretty darn entertaining PS1 game as well. Just not a huge fan of the colour palettes used in the film - I think every other early Pixar film gets away with being dated by being such eye candy in other ways, where it doesn’t work when so much of A Bug’s Life is set in close-ups of jungles. I still like this film though, which to me, only goes to show how much I love Pixar.

Brave

Purely hurt by the theme. I’m not big on fantasy films, so while this is a great film, it’s largely in a genre that disinterests me. Great voice cast though.

Toy Story 4

I really liked this film in stasis, but it had three major issues for me. One - it provided a large addendum to a trilogy that ended perfectly - and didn’t leave the series on nearly as perfect an ending. Two - I spent most of the film wondering what the rules of toy sentience actually are in the universe. What age do kids lose the ability to inject unwanted sentience into literally anything they give a face and a name? I’m pretty sure I made Lego figures as a child with names, and then took them apart - would that have killed them in-universe? And then three - I just couldn’t build an emotional attachment into a spork. Given how good Pixar has been to make me empathise with such a wide range of people, animals, toys and even vehicles, that seems like a failing to me.

Up

Where I think Up loses the magic for me, where other people get so much out of it, is that the introductory sequence doesn’t really resonate with me. I lost most of my grandparents earlier into my life, so there’s no immediate relatable emotion for me. This is the same reason eg. I find Futurama’s Game of Tones heavier hitting than Jurassic Bark. Taking the intro out of the equation then, the film’s good, just far from one of my favourites.

Toy Story 2

Definitely the weakest of the original Toy Story trilogy for me, but again, that’s not saying much for such a fantastic series.

Cars 2

Cars 2, for me, is the opposite of Up. Up is a film where I recognise its high quality and why people love it so much but it doesn’t resonate for me on a personal level. Cars 2, however, is a film where I can tell why it’s panned but damn if I don’t just smile my way through the whole thing. It’s dumb, it’s Mater-heavy, but… basically, it’s the live-action Speed Racer film if Pixar made it. I loved that too.

Toy Story

The original Toy Story and original Pixar is dated by modern standards, although it plays into that well by making the main on-screen human character, Sid, the villain. What an introduction to 3D films though.

The Good Dinosaur

Don’t have a vast amount to say here - The Good Dinosaur is a fairly forgettable but completely enjoyable Pixar film with no particularly massive frills but nothing I have to complain about either.

The Incredibles 2

As also impacted Toy Story 4 for me, my issues with The Incredibles 2 are largely conceptual. The original film, from so far back in Pixar’s history, concluded with the reintroduction of superheroes into public acceptance. I was ready for the sequel to show the new age of superhero glory days… instead it just made superheroes vilified all over again. Great film besides that, but I hope if The Incredibles gets a trilogy ender, it can move past the “family drama” phase and climax in a more bombastic manner.

Toy Story 3

The third Toy Story, and for 9 years the finale, was an incredible end to the story arc naturally introduced in the first film. The film proper is okay, but its power lies in its ending, a masterpiece that perfectly capped off three films’ worth of buildup. Well, until the spork happened, anyway.

Onward

Onward for me is a great example of why I prefer Pixar’s one-shots to their sequels. Rather than expecting one thing and ending up disappointed (even when the sequel is great), I went into Onward with zero knowledge of where it was heading, and was constantly surprised by it. Suffers a little from the same reasons I ranked Brave so low, although Onward was far more grounded so the fantasy elements were just elements here. And a beautiful ending to the story.

Monsters, Inc

This was the first Pixar film I would have called my out and out favourite at the time. Monsters Inc was, and remains, a real showcase of Pixar’s talents not only as storytellers but also animators, with some incredible scenes - I will never forget the first time I saw the complex of doorways behind the company’s scenes. Emotional moments, funny moments, scene after scene of enjoyment, and 19 years on, still great visually - Sully still looks huggable and fuzzy as ever.

Finding Nemo & Finding Dory

The duo of films about finding fish are inseparable for me on a quality level. They’re both immensely enjoyable films, with a surprising variety of locations for films starring mostly aquatic characters, with a plethora of memorable moments.

Cars & Cars 3

Again inseparable, Cars and its functional story sequel Cars 3 (which essentially completely ignored the events of the second instalment) really hit me. I’ve always loved films that can set a scene I want to take in for myself, and Radiator Springs is a fantastic example of that. I’ve never had issues empathising with the characters either, a complaint I know many have with these films. Cars 3 is maybe slightly weaker than the first for me when considering everything, but having 10 years of love for the original gave one particular scene about the Hudson Hornet in Cars 3 an incredible level of power that brought it onto the same level at the end of the day.

The Incredibles

My favourite superhero film - and a great way to enter my current top 5, too. The Incredibles had a little bit of everything - a swift, enjoyable introduction to the Incredibles family, great character drama, some fantastic action sequences, and one of the most complex villains in Pixar’s history.

Coco

For my money, Coco is currently the most visually gorgeous Pixar film to date. You can freeze it on basically any scene and spend hours poring over minutiae. The ending was fairly easy to telegraph (although parts of the story definitely were not), but in spite of knowing where it was going, the execution of Coco’s final few minutes hit me like a freight train and had me crying my eyes out.

Ratatouille

The ultimate grower, Ratatouille is a film I had lower opinions of the first time I watched it, then basically every time since, it’s jumped and jumped up the list until it now finds itself comfortably in my top 3. It has everything I favour in a film on top of being all-around stunning.

Inside Out

Coco got me once, but Inside Out gets me twice. Every time. The scene with Bing Bong, and then Riley’s moment of growing up, shatter me into tiny pieces. Even just imagining the key melody from the soundtrack is enough to send chills down my spine. In any ranking of films in the world, Inside Out being the top would be an absolute joy. But…

WALL-E

It’s set design again. WALL-E’s depiction of the ruinous, dead remains of future Earth, is immersive, terrifying, and fascinating. The echoes of the Buy ‘n’ Large jingle, the clips of Put On Your Sunday Clothes, and WALL-E’s collection of interesting refuse give an astonishing depth of personality to such a dilapidated planet. Conversely, the bright, commercialised, populated Axiom ship is a feast for the eyes, a captivating if equally scary view of what life might have been like before ruination.

The film is effectively dialogue-less for the vast majority of its first half and yet tells a more endearing story than most films can achieve with pages of script. The characters, particularly WALL-E and EVE, but even ancilliary bit parts like a cockroach, are rammed with personality through a few small mannerisms and sound effects.

No amount of words can do WALL-E, or my feelings for it, justice, and given how the film itself is presented, they never will.

Ranked: Tony Hawk's Pro Skater Levels by Allison James

I love the Tony Hawk’s franchise. Ever since the day I first played the demo for Tony Hawk’s Skateboarding, it was an instant fascination. I’ve written about my life with the series on Truly Madly Dpad.

Anyway, now for something a little different. I’ve revisited the games recently - having completed a second run through of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5 (I know and I’m sorry) and currently being partway through a third playthrough of Project 8. I’ve also touched on many other of the series’ instalments and levels recently thanks to THUG Pro. Armed with that knowledge, I’ve decided to rank the levels featured in the Pro Skater series (for my own sanity I decided not to delve into Underground through Proving Ground, and for my life, I didn’t consider Ride or Shred either).

A few disclaimers: this is obviously down to opinion. A few levels listed are not fresh in my memory, particularly THPS1 and THPS4 (neither of which I’ve done full playthroughs of in over a decade, although thanks again to THUG Pro, I do have fresh memories of many of their levels). I’ve included some weird levels, like exclusive-to-last-gen levels from THPS3 and 4, since I do own those, but I’ve not included levels exclusive to GameBoy versions or non-PlayStation versions except where those levels since reappeared in newer games.

Let’s get to it!

#52: [THPS2] Chopper Drop

It hurt physically not to have the awful Bonfire Beach at last place, but Chopper Drop is just a halfpipe and a landing strip.

#51: [THPS5] Bonfire Beach

Takes elements of THPS2’s Venice and turns it into a pretty awful and incoherent level that is far more closed-in than it makes you believe at first (you have to use trial and error to determine most of the level’s death planes). The earliest of several THPS5 levels to make use of the weird power-up mechanics of the game, in this case setting your board on pointless, pointless fire. Bonfire Beach is a sick self-burn.

#50: [THPS4] Little Big World

Stranded in the PS1 version of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4, and if I were being cruel, rightly so. Little Big World sees you skate an oversized kitchen complete with oversized obstacles. There’s not much to do in Little Big World, and what there is to do is awkward – you have to wallride to get onto pretty much everything. It’s a shame this didn’t get an outing in a newer game, but only for historic purposes.

#49: [THPS5] The Berrics

Pro Skater 5, the runt of the litter already in game terms, starts off in a bad way. An extremely small and limited skate park, with a small open area containing only a single pool. Looks less interesting than The Berrics park does in real life, too.

#48: [THPS5] The Bunker

Imagine taking a chainsaw to Warehouse from THPS1 and Hangar from THPS2 and then incoherently sticky-taping them together, and you have The Bunker. It’s a functional level, at least for THPS5. But it’s worse than Warehouse and Hangar – which is basically criminal.

#47: [THPS2] Hoffman Factory

Technically a Mat Hoffman’s Pro BMX level but counted here for appearing only in the N64 version of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2, I am basing this purely on the former game because I’ve not (despite owning it) tried out THPS2 on N64 yet. Hoffman Factory is, sadly, dull. An extremely basic bike park and an even more basic dirt track area (which makes sense in a BMX game but would be extremely skateboard unfriendly), this level was bland in MHPB and I can’t imagine it faring any better in THPS2.

#46: [THPS3] Downhill

While this level, a Rio De Janeiro-set linear downhill fare, is one of my least favourite levels in the series, I do feel sorry for this kind of level that sits around and is thrown into previous-generation Hawk games as bonus fodder. Featured in the N64 and PS1 versions of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3, and then again in PS2 Project 8, Downhill is pretty annoying to skate and I’m pretty sure the statue of Christ the Redeemer is a lot bigger in real life than it is here.

#45: [THPS5] The Underground

THPS5 ends with a whimper. It started with whimpers too, but hey, why buck the trend? The Underground is a big level by THPS5 standards, but is also linear, long and confusing. It also seems to largely borrow elements from THPS1’s Mall… although with some added train tracks that do next to nothing of use and have next to no skateability.

#44: [THPS1] Mall

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater’s first downhill level, a remnant of the game’s original racing premise, arrives in the form of The Mall. Features some great lines and some pretty-for-the-era set pieces, but The Mall definitely makes me glad how quickly the game’s developers found their footing and steered the game into its more open-area-based gameplay, especially compounded by how in the original game, reaching the bottom terminated the session outright (this was at least improved in classic versions where you warped back to the top).

#43: [THPS5] Mega Parks

THPS5’s second of two “blatant” skatepark levels fares little better than The Berrics, mostly because it has a secret area that is almost a smile-worthy surprise. Although the nuclear sewer isn’t MUCH of a secret area given many of the story level’s goals make use of it, and if you select one from the menu, you’re teleported into it.

#42: [THPS1] Downhill Jam

THPS1 gets its second downhill level after Mall, and in my opinion, it’s not much better. It has slightly better lines and more fun geometry, but visually Downhill Jam is somewhat uninteresting, and it’s so steep you’re always resigned to experiencing each of its quirks in the same order.

#41: [THPS5] Asteroid Belt

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5 takes a rare foray into trying to look interesting with Asteroid Belt. It half works, half looks like they bought a stock asset pack and threw ramps into it. Asteroid Belt is also let down by being a pretty banal level in general with very little coherence, and lines just involve the same few actions repeated due to its modularity. If you want Hawk in space, stick with Skate Heaven.

#40: [THPS1] Streets

Streets from the original THPS1 attempts to cram everything noteworthy from San Francisco that isn’t a bridge or Alcatraz into one level, with mixed success. It’s kind of interesting, but the sort of idea that probably could have done with cooking and condensing… kind of like they did, in Pro Skater 4, with the San Francisco level. So yes, this is a pretty weak level geometry-wise, and completely obsolete theme-wise.

#39: [THPS4] Sewers

The better of the PS1 version of Pro Skater 4’s two exclusive levels, Sewers is nothing to write home about but it’s a shame you have to play through an otherwise inferior version of the game just to see it. Sewers is quite small but features a decent amount of verticality through ramps and wall-mounted grindable pipes.

#38: [THPS5] School III

One of THPS5’s better levels… because it’s just School II from THPS2 with a few configuration changes and about half of the original’s layout missing. Ridiculous that School III is 15 years and 3 consoles newer and a legitimate downgrade.

#37: [THPS1] Burnside

For some reason, I always confuse Burnside with the skatepark you have to break into in THPS2’s Philadelphia to unlock. Possibly because of their shared colour palettes, their wibbly wobbliness that recreations of real life concrete skating areas tend to have, and their “underpass” locations. Actually, that makes sense. Anyway, yes, because Burnside is a whole level of its own whereas Philly is part of a huge sprawling joyous place, I have to knock it down a fair bit. Burnside is not a bad level by any real means, but it definitely shows its age.

#36: [THPS5] Mountain

If it wasn’t so confusing, Mountain would be a pretty great level idea. It’s almost an SSX course, not a Hawk course – snowy downhill descent with a roughly linear path – but it contains quite a few warp points with extremely illogical exit locations, and the level is so samey (besides an absolutely baffling hockey pitch with cardboard cutouts that kill you) that you’re never quite sure whether you’re at the top, the bottom, or anywhere inbetween.

#35: [THPS2] Bullring

Who would have thought that ollieing off of a massive pile of bull poo would be mildly underwhelming? This is a weird level – THPS2’s final competition level features possibly the weakest actual skating area, but for whatever reason, is surrounded by a circling bull that constantly poops. It also has a loop-de-loop that was novel, riiiight up until you unlocked Skate Heaven and had the really long one that was easier to use. Bullring’s not bad but it’s not great either.

#34: [THPS3] Rio

THPS3’s first competition level, Rio, as with many of the other games’ similar levels, is fundamentally just a vanilla skatepark. It has some neat touches, such as being set in a city square with a relatively wide range of buildings you can see in the distance, but as it goes, this does its job and little else.

#33: [THPS1] Roswell

The original game’s ender takes place in Area 51, where the government scientists, when not dissecting green aliens (as actually seen in the level), decided it best to erect a skatepark. This one’s a bit of fun – far from THPS1’s best offering or the series as a whole, but a nifty full stop on the end of a great first sentence.

#32: [THPS5] Rooftops

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5 doesn’t have many decent levels to its name, but Rooftops is genuinely decent. A series of interconnected and varied rooftops that makes rare decent use of THPS5’s shoehorned-in powerups (the double jump is handy for traversing between rooftops), if Rooftops wasn’t lumbered with 5’s awful engine and maybe had a little more visual life to it, it would be a pretty great time.

#31: [THPS2] Skatestreet

A fairly vanilla skatepark that, like many of its brethren, is based off of a real world one. Generally I find these to be a slightly weaker than more “invented” equivalents purely because their setups are made to suit real-world skating limits rather than the games’ exaggerated million-point combo opportunities. But that’s not to say Skatestreet is bad at all – it’s still a lot of fun to skate, it just doesn’t stand out much.

#30: [THPS4] Kona Skatepark

When I was going through the database of levels to make sure I didn’t miss any, I had to double take at Kona Skatepark. I genuinely forgot it existed for a while. Which is perhaps weird, because it’s far from a bad level – it’s the standard-by-now competition skatepark level, but it’s at least nice to see them start to be set in bright outdoor areas rather than in dingy warehouses. This level deserves a revisit when I plug my PS2 back in, I think.

#29: [THPS5] Wild West

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5’s best level, and one of only two that are actually enjoyable. Wild West is a manageable, well-spaced-out skatepark, with powered rails to give you a pretty great road to long lines, and an underground secret mining area that, while ridiculous to get to, is in itself better than most of THPS5’s entire levels outright. It’s a shame you have to trudge through almost the entire story to get to Wild West. (And that you’re stuck playing Pro Skater 5 while you’re in it.)

#28: [THPS1] Chicago

THPS1, and the series as a whole, gets its first competition level, set as they mostly are in a well-constructed, tight skatepark. As skateparks go in the Hawk’s series, these levels are great for technical play but not the most visually arresting or endlessly replayable; however, Chicago holds a massive soft spot in my heart for being the level the THPS1 demo disk contained, making it the first level I ever set foot, and board, into.

#27: [THPS1] Warehouse

An absolute classic – the first level of the first game. THPS1 is an introduction and little else, featuring pretty much one of everything. It also features the ramp drop at the start – for many, their first few seconds of Tony Hawk’s skating. THUG2’s rendition, now called “Training” added an extra unlockable chunk of skatepark – something I wish more classic levels would have received in the later instalments of the series.

#26: [THPS2] Marseilles

The first THPS2 level I played thanks, as with Chicago from THPS1, to the demo including a competition level as its sampler rather than a more fleshed out level, I have a lot of nostalgia for Marseilles and it’s a pretty fun level to skate. As with other competition levels, though, it’s on the plainer side, unless you count the funky little fountain secret area that serves only minor purpose but is a great discovery.

#25: [THPS4] Shipyard

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4’s level design did a lot right, and variety was one of its successes. Every level felt different – one day you’re in a zoo, another on Alcatraz, and another still, you’re on an industrial shipyard with more grindability than a thousand salt cellars. This is another self-contained area, an aspect I praised Alcatraz prior for, but I’m a little less up on Shipyard as it’s a lot less saturated, and I find it extremely easy to land in the murky waters or even just on your face with how irregularly laid out everything is.

#24: [THPS4] Chicago, Illinois

Completes a trio of what I would call “Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4 city levels that are slightly too open but still decent nonetheless”, along with San Francisco and London. This makes a comeback from Mat Hoffman’s Pro BMX 2, a game I have never played (I only played the first one), and is perfectly skateable, but it’s a shame THPS4 ended on this as its grand finale where the previous games capped themselves off with some of the best levels in the entire series.

#23: [THPS3] Suburbia

The Tony Hawk’s series gets its first cul-de-sac level, a theme that returned a couple of times afterwards, in Suburbia. Featuring a spooky haunted house and a construction site, along with plenty of the usual skate ramps et al, Suburbia can be a little awkward to skate thanks to all its fences and walls and I personally find it’s a little harder to pull off longer lines in compared to some of its sisters. Suburbia’s still a fun one, with a few extremely interesting discoveries.

#22: [THPS3] Skater Island

At last, a skatepark level I can fully get behind! Skater Island is, like Skatestreet and many others before it, another warehouse-set skatepark that exists in real life, but unlike its sister recreations, goes a little beyond that. Not least of all that you can break out of the building and find a pirate ship, AND as a bonus that makes me smile every time, if you look in the distance you can see Cruise Ship, another THPS3 level.

#21: [THPS1] School

The start of almost a sub-legacy of Tony Hawk’s games, with so many School levels and areas following it for better or for worse. The original, THPS1’s second level, was fairly open, definitely a departure from Warehouse, and is a great level not just by the original game’s standards but by the series’ early days as a whole.

#20: [THPS3 / THAW] Oil Rig

I first played this in American Wasteland, although Xbox players got it back in Pro Skater 3. Oil Rig is a very “3D” map, featuring possibly the most verticality of any Hawk level there has ever been. For that reason, it can be a little punishing to fall down areas where you “safely” land at the bottom, if you were trying to remain in higher points of the level. Oil Rig is an intriguing level in any case, and I’m glad I got to see it in THAW finally.

#19: [THPS4] Carnival

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4’s first “secret” level is yet another thematically unique place, set in a ropey carnival complete with back-of-truck rides. Carnival is decent as levels go, with a good obstacle density and some fun unique events to complete, but purely for how awkward it is to unlock, it’s neither my favourite nor my most familiar of THPS4 levels.

#18: [THPS2] Hangar

Continuing the trend of opening levels with a mandatory drop down a steep ramp, Hangar makes far more of an impact than Warehouse from THPS1 for my money by being a bigger area with more visual flair, and also more dynamic things to do. Two secret/unlockable areas, and enough of each type of skateable object that learners can learn and regulars can still have a lot of fun, make Hangar for my money one of the best opening Hawk levels there ever was.

#17: [THPS4] London

Only took four Tony Hawk’s games to be set in an outwardly British location, and London is very, very British. Cabs and double decker buses aplenty, it’s all very daft. London suffers from the same issue I have with the San Francisco level before it – it’s a little bit too spread out – but this is another great level in THPS4’s strong roster.

#16: [THPS3] Foundry

Pro Skater 3’s opener, and by extension its then-next-gen opener, is a pretty fun one. Very pretty but very deadly pools of molten metal are dotted around this tight-knit level with multiple stories of skatability, a fun little openable area with a spiral rail, and a number of great line opportunities. A great little opener for THPS3, and it only got better from there.

#15: [THPS1] Downtown

I’m a sucker for an urban Hawk level, and this is a superb first urban Hawk level. Moody dusk lighting (for PS1 this level looked incredible), interesting nooks and crannies to discover, side roads and roof pools… Downtown is my favourite THPS1 level, and it’s not close.

#14: [THPS3] Tokyo

Tokyo, another competition level, differentiates itself from the regular ilk by being the flashiest level the series had seen. To me, it is also the best competition level from the first three games – it’s bombastic and incredible, allowing for some ridiculous possibilities.

#13: [THPS2] Venice

Based on a real-life location demolished the year THPS2 came out, Venice is a great example of why I loved Hawk levels from the early days – every level had a unique and wonderful feel despite functionally just being a series of rails and ramps in various configurations. Venice, a beachy location rife with graffitied concrete skating installations, does a hell of a lot with relatively little.

#12: [THPS4] San Francisco

THPS4’s second offering shows exactly how far the series came in three years by successfully doing with San Fran what Streets didn’t – making a wonderful level that felt exactly like the location it was emulating. This wasn’t the best level in the game for my money – it is perhaps a little too open and spread out – but it is nonetheless a lot of fun to skate.

#11: [THPS3] Canada

I’m fond of Hawk levels where, even if the level isn’t necessarily massive, it contains several distinguishable areas with different feels. Canada nails this with three – the parking area, the skatepark, and the forest with its treetop paths. It’s coherently laid out, fun to explore, and very fun to skate.

#10: [THPS4] College

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4 makes a huge splash with its introductory level. Feeling like a “grown-up” game with its shedding of the 2-minute timed career mode (a change I welcomed with open arms), it was only appropriate that the first level itself was set in the grown-up equivalent of the school levels that were Hawk staples. And a great introductory level it was – far removed from the smaller dense experiences of Warehouse, Hangar and Foundry, College was a big, brilliant experience from the start.

#9: [THPS2] NY City

One of the most nostalgic levels for me, NY City established my love for urban Hawk levels with its vast explorability, incredible “secret” area that takes up nearly half the entire map, and swearing lively taxi drivers. One other weird quirk I remember about NY City, and I’m not sure how many other levels this affected, was that in split screen mode of the PS1 version, several chunks of the level were completely missing – and as a kid, I played it split screen more often than not.

#8: [THPS2] Skate Heaven

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2’s fully-fleshed-out secret level (cough Chopper Drop, cough) is an experimental expanse of weirdness, and it really pays off. Loop-de-loops, translucent halfpipes, a volcano, and half the level totally missing in split-screen on PS1, Skate Heaven is a great level marred only by the fact it’s squirreled away behind either a cheat wall or a ridiculously massive set of things to do.

#7: [THPS3] Airport

Following THPS2 having no linear downhill levels whatsoever, THPS3 gets one – kind of – in the form of Airport. And what do you know, despite me not enjoying any of THPS1’s offerings in that department, Airport is an exceptional level. If you’re good with your grinding balance, Airport is basically heaven for combos. It has some interesting discoveries, like finding a helicopter through baggage claim, great ambience with airline announcements occupying the air, and is overall an expertly-constructed level that deservedly got several revisits in later Hawk games.

#6: [THPS4] Zoo

There is a zero-level gap between the Hawk series’ first British level and its second, because right after London comes London Zoo! Zoo contains 0% as many Cockney vehicles and many, many more animals, that afford you some hilarious possibilities. And it’s all extremely tightly constructed, so between moments of amusement, you can get a lot of skating done here. Also features, for my money, the most memorable mission from THPS4 – the one where Bob Burnquist forces you to skate a broken loop-de-loop and do tricks while upside down at the apex.

#5: [THPS2] School II

Take everything that makes a quintessential Hawk level good, and School II has it. Rewarding secret areas, long lines, deep pools, even funny soundbites when you go to certain areas of the level. School II was as close as a PS1 Hawk level got to feeling alive with all its ambient sounds, too. This is just brilliant, easily one of the best levels in any of the games.

#4: [THPS2] Philadephia

Pro Skater 2 really got city levels right with both of its major locations, but Philadelphia wins out for its expanse, its range of things to skate (including a secret skatepark area that is pretty much Burnside from THPS1), and its discoveries to be made. For my money, Philadelphia is the best level in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2.

#3: [THPS3] Los Angeles

What a level. What a place, too. Los Angeles feels genuinely big, and features so many little nooks and crannies to find, spots to skate, and events to trigger – here’s to you, massive motorway-destroying earthquake – that this level can be enjoyed for hours.

#2: [THPS4] Alcatraz

I love Alcatraz for the same reason I loved Cruise Ship from THPS3 – it feels like a perfect, self-contained location with no fake boundaries. Besides being a great, tight level with supreme comboability, Alcatraz is also one of the series’ first “populated-feeling” places thanks to its smattering of tourists. And for an island that was once a prison, Alcatraz is extremely open. Doesn’t get much better than this, and it made me smile to randomly see it reappear, as a story level, in the (surprisingly great) DS Hawk game American Sk8land.

#1: [THPS3] Cruise Ship

There’s something about Cruise Ship that always gets a huge smile out of me. Nothing, for my money, is wrong with it at all. It’s great fun to skate. It’s extremely well thought out. Every area feels unique, and you always know exactly where you are and how to get to any other given spot. There’s a lot to do too – a personal favourite of mine was ruining the greenhouse. To cap all this off, Cruise Ship feels unlimited – by that, I mean if you go out of bounds, it makes sense that you’d be reset – you fell off the ship, rather than eg how the rural locations gate off roads that, in real life, you could totally just traverse. I adore Cruise Ship.

Allison 2 by Allison James

This blog post is a continuation of part 1 from October 2018.

Figured it was about time for some updates! It's been a wild first few months of being out full time, with a lot of pleasing progress, more smiles than I could shake an emotion stick at, and overall, a whole lot of positivity.

I wrote the original blog post at the start of October, around two weeks after I had come out as transgender. At that moment, I was still buzzing about the initial general reception, but I was also still very much "early in". The latter few months were definitely me easing more and more into my true identity, picking up new things I'd always wanted to do while discovering secondary interests that were dormant until I had the ability to seek them.

Clothing

Clothing was the first big one to hit me. I had experimented with female clothing on and off for around four years prior to coming out - something I didn't really mention in my original blog post - but it didn't take too long for me to settle into my style. I started off with over-length shirts which acted almost as mini dresses (paired with my old joggers at first, then plainer leggings. I was still fairly shy about moving into proper dresses for the first month or so, scared of looking ridiculous. Aaaand then I started wearing dresses and stopped giving a f*** about it. And I adore them.

I've diversified a lot of my wardrobe to a massive degree, really. Before, all my clothes were plain, most were black. I have dresses now to cover most colours, and other things to match. Dress collection includes:

  • White floral dress (flowers in black and red) with red hems

  • Second white floral one with a lot of layering

  • Red dress with a little gap below the neck

  • Black dress with short, wide sleeves and a frilly hem

  • Purple "formal" dress, low cleavage

  • Burgundy "formal" dress, goes down to my ankles

  • Another burgundy one but with cold shoulders and an elasticated bottom hem, love this one

  • Three that have a fake lower layer - two are varying shades of red with the lower layer black and white polka dot, the other one is black with a tartan lower layer

The latter four are my favourite, largely because all of them are fairly tight below the chest, which feminises my figure really effectively. I've also got a black elasticated band with a bow I can pair with most of the others to provide the same effect as well.Speaking of the chest area, I've started wearing bras. None of them are wired, instead being loosely elasticated (marketed as "comfort"). I will definitely need to replace them when I require actual "lift", but for now, they provide a small amount of extra shaping.

Although I love a good pair of leggings, more recently (as in, a week ago) I finally, through months of trying, found a company - Snag - that sells incredible thick tights in my size - I have moved over to those pretty much daily now, although I'm sure the leggings will still see use! I love tights though, they are about the most comfortable thing on the planet, with lovely warmth and (at least to my eye) a pleasing appearance. It's also good to have the foot coverage I couldn't get with leggings that also fit.

And on the subject of feet, my shoe selection has grown from "one" to "several"! I had a pair of black Holly ugg-alikes from years back that became my first pair of full time shoes. These have four pairs of friends - a similar pair in grey, another similar pair that's also black but a wee bit longer, a pair of extremely comfortable slippers my parents got me for Christmas (they have tassels!), and a pair of high heels. I'm getting fairly okay with the high heels! I'm definitely slower, but I have yet to fall over in them. They're a little "cloppy", although they pair pleasingly with tights, so I wear them occasionally.

Beauty & cosmetics

Obviously another big key area I tackled early on. This had already started to a degree months prior to coming out; I occasionally wore light foundation to even my skin tone out a little and had switched from gender neutral shampoo to a feminine Tresemmé alternative. This was built on when Emily, a childhood friend of mine who found out about my transition a couple of months after, got in touch to show her support and also provide me tips and tricks from her years of, y'know, being a woman!

As well as being a great friend I've kept in regular contact with ever since, she's given me a lot of pointers on upkeep of my long hair (which has been long for years, but now I want it to be okay looking as well!) such as using a separate conditioner, positioning myself as I dry it so it's all dangling straight downwards, etc.While long hair is a thing I adore having on top of my head, hair elsewhere is another matter. Shaving is now a daily half-hour chore as I make sure every piece of flesh I intend on being exposed - as well as legs, chest etc every few days just to keep them cleav shaven - isn't stubbly or bushy hell. My razor needed new heads in October (I've had them for ten years prior to that) and, to be honest, they could do with new ones again now.

I've entered two other new worlds - epilation and IPL (the latter thanks to a very generous person willing to spend £400 on a Christmas present to me - thank you so much). I colloquially call my IPL device, a Phillips Lumea Prestige, my death ray - it fires a big red flash to remove hair. But it's been fairly slow progress with it - despite being white with brunette hair, I think it's also a little coarse. Still, I'll keep on with it. My epilator just feels like it's rending my flesh - it gets results, but it has a loud, revolving barrel of little pinchies that violently yank my hair out one at a time, and it's as painful as it sounds. Again though, if it gets results in the end, I'll reluctantly tolerate it. (Definitely eventually going to get everything lasered off one day, but it's low priority.)

Cosmetics are (almost) brand new for me otherwise. I had begun to explore nail polish when I wrote the original blog post, but my collection of polishes has now... expanded somewhat! As well as having nine colours of quick-drying gel, I've got several others that require UV to dry (as well as the UV machine to do that), proper base coats and top coats, and a small collection of other manicure equipment that was added to by my really kind and supportive family. Glass nail files are excellent, by the way.

Completely new - mascara (which I love) and eyeliner (which I'd love more if I had learnt how to apply it well yet). I've got some other things such as blusher, eye shadow and lip liner, but am taking it one step at a time - I'm not learning anything else until I can give myself cat eyes that don't look like I had a fight with a particularly aggressive Sharpie.

Gender dysphoria diagnosis & Christmas

From a light hearted quip about felt tip pens onto seeing a professional in gender identity. Yay, transitions! (In two ways!)

I'd seen, before and after coming out, the waiting times for an appointment with the NHS Gender Identity Clinic. Over two years on average. While that would have been free, I wanted to get the ball rolling sooner - especially since I'd been waiting years to come out already by September 2018. After doing some research, asking some very friendly trans people further into transitioning (or even finished with it by then) and contacting a couple of different companies, I ended up contacting Dr Penny Lenihan through GenderCare at the beginning of November 2018. After giving her some preliminary information about myself and my steps so far, she agreed to see me in January this year. For the rest of 2018, this appointment was at the forefront of my mind - a weird mix of excitement and nervousness into a single emotion that could summarise most key moments of my transition to date.I went home to my parents' house for Christmas, itself a fairly nervous moment (presenting them myself as Allison face to face for the first time, not to mention being in public in fully female clothing for five straight hours). Christmas was lovely, with a mix of feminine and regular agender gifts - including one to myself, a LEGO Hogwarts Express. I built that on Christmas Day while watching the new Kevin Bridges standup (in which it took him 5 minutes to bring up gender in a comedic sense in full earshot of my dad - should have been awkward, but it was Kevin Bridges, so he tackled it with grace and absolute f***ing hilarity).

But the Christmas holidays definitely had a weird sense of being a countdown. That was because me and my dad were bringing a van I hired for us back to Newport to drop me, and some of my Christmas holiday acquisitions, home - via London, and via the appointment too. I distinctly remember, three days before the 16th (appointment day), starting a countdown at 72 hours in my head at the time three days forward that the appointment would be complete, we'd have taken the underground back to our main transport, and set sail in the privacy of the van for home.

We set sail in the van on the 16th, over an hour earlier than I'd projected we'd need to to get to the appointment on time at the insistence of my parents. That countdown (which I internally visualised as a big blue number) was on 7. But parents know best - because a massive chunk of the motorway taking us to London was completely closed off, I had to Google Maps GPS us through 25 miles of back roads for us to reach Epping.

On the train, I had the thankful foresight to email Dr Lenihan and let her know of my likely small delay about a minute before the train went underground for the rest of the route, leaving my phone signal-less. I was too busy staring at the map of the London Underground Central line and the time intermittently, ticking off stations between Epping and Bond Street, to actually be fearful at this point. We hopped off at Bond Street, took the small walk with haste to the appointment office, and I was two things - seven minutes late, and fairly out of breath.

I had nothing to be scared of, really. Dr Lenihan was really nice, understanding of the small delay, and the appointment went ahead just fine. The hour flew as she got to know me, worked out how I wanted my transition to go and what I wanted, and a plethora of other related questions.Before I knew it, me and my dad were back on the underground heading back to Epping. It kind of struck me at once, staring blank faced once again at the map of Central, that it was done - it was painless - and I was a big bag of things. Sane, transgender, and a woman. Nonetheless, we got back in the van on arrival back in Epping, took off, and when the clock struck 2pm, I saw the big blue number in my head for the final time.Zero.

Now & the Future

Since then, extra progress has been made. Dr Lenihan sent me a seven page document detailing her thoughts and everything I'd said of any importance in our hour. It refers to me by name and by female pronouns continuously - part of the reason I have read through it several times since receiving it. Along with that though, was a note I was able to include in a new passport application, giving me official female gender status. That, along with a new picture, the form and all the requested extra documents, has gone straight onto HMRC. I'm crossing fingers that I didn't mess anything up - but when I get my new passport with my name and a big little F sitting right there beside it, I'm going to scream with joy!

My next step will be to have blood tests done and to contact Dr Jonny Coxon, another member of GenderCare that Dr Lenihan referred me to (and sent her endorsement of me to) - this should, barring anything that pops up in the tests, allow me to begin HRT and start the process of feminising myself physically. This may have to wait at least a little, as I need to sign up for a GP and will likely be moving cities soon, but is an extremely exciting next step on a journey that's already been full of them so far.

Concurrently, I should be able to use my new passport, once I have it, to knock off the last few things still under my old name, such as my bank account and my provisional driving license. (Recommendation: Free UK Deed Poll is an incredible resource not only for creating and printing out a deed poll freely, but also for giving you everything you need to check up on regarding old names.)And then there are a few other things! I still need to work out my sexuality, which since settling into a female mindset has been a confused shrug. It's not a priority either, especially since I don't really intend on getting into anything until my transition is basically over (ie I've had sex reassignment surgery), though it's still a curiosity. HRT could send me in any direction from what others have reported, but I suspect I'm probably going to end up either bisexual or straight (that is, a woman attracted to men), just from how I feel at present.

Anyway, that's about it for now! The next few months will definitely be eventful, but I'm hoping that after a move, a few extra appointments and a few pieces of legal admin, I can settle down, work on other aspects of myself such as my weight while HRT helps me feminise, and I can keep progressing at a steady pace overall.I love it. I love me. And I love all of you that have shown any level of support - be it full-on support, friendly curiosity (which I am always, and will always be, happy to field and sate with answers, no matter how baffling or obscene!), or even just not giving a single damn and still just nattering to me at your usual pace.

Have a great one.
💛Allie

Allison by Allison James

For anyone curious, I recently came out as transgender. This wasn't a decision made with haste - it was one made through a lifetime of wonder and years of knowing. This will be a blog post to detail everything I remember as I see, plan, and experienced. (Skip to "Realisation" for just the actual meat of this, everything prior is piecemeal older memories.)

First Experiences

I had a number of early life experiences that made me suspect early on.

Perhaps my earliest was of running around the playground in primary school at maybe 5 or 6. I tasked one of my friends at the time with making me follow her around, scalding me wearily with "Come on, Alice." every time I stopped. I remember little else other than that, I just know it was profoundly stupid.When the Pokémon craze first hit its stride in 1999 or 2000 or so, I was swept away by it. I bought the cards. I watched the animé. I screamed with delight when my parents bought me a copy of Pokémon Yellow, and I played it to death. But I remember having an admiration for Sabrina. Any time I fantasised about living in a Pokémon world or pretending it with friends, I wanted to be Sabrina. She was really mysterious and interesting as a character - far more to me than anyone else in the show.

Speaking of wanting to be animé characters, Pokémon brought with it a number of other, similar animé TV shows. One of those I watched Cardcaptors/Cardcaptor Sakura, and yep, she was another one I always wanted to be.

Enter Videogames

When games started to be more inclusive of women and specifically when character creation or just choice allowed you to pick your gender, I always swayed female.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 and 3 are my earliest memories of this. I would always pick Elissa Steamer as my character - I had a male friend that was also explorative of playing as females at the time and would use the games' character creator to create her a sister. I can still visualise how Stephanie Steamer looked - I had THPS3 for PS2 and didn't own a memory card for a while, so he would have to recreate her every time we played the game together. We didn't play the actual career mode, we literally just role played in Free Ride.

In Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire, I picked May. My excuse to others was simply that I was born in May so she seemed fitting, which was convenient, but she felt like the correct choice. Brendan looked stupid anyway.

I've blogged about a decade ago about my experience with PlayStation Home, a PS3-native free online game where you could socialise with people. I was a girl in that, as is tradition. But there's a small twist to that one - I was asked for my name once, and with my username on that account being NAL-USA (my main friend at the time had a US account, so I played on one myself), I used the AL of NAL to conjure the name "Allie". As far as I can remember, that is my first use of Allie or Allison as a name.

Home was one of numerous games with in-depth clothing options though, and I've always been terrible for sinking hours and hours into virtual fashion. I grinded in newer Pokémon games with dressing mechanics (X, Y, Gen 7) to get the most expensive stuff I liked, then ground again when I needed new colours. I experienced actual anger when a game like Elder Scrolls or Fallout forced me to choose between dressing how I wanted and being armoured enough to actually be alright in the game.

The strongest gaming memories were immersive ones - games where I could feel like I was in them, as a girl. Fallout 4 has been the strongest to date. When I started playing it, I made myself - that's the Allison version of myself - with the intentions of playing the game in a very specific way. And... I couldn't. I was so into the game, I became her. Every single choice I made was literally just exactly what I would have done in her shoes. I couldn't finish the game any other way until I made a guy with a man bun called Boobies.

But plenty of others captured that too. Animal Crossing was great for it. Far Cry 5 was as well. VR has been incredible for it.

Daydreaming

For quite some time (a decade or more), I generated a female persona I daydreamt about, mostly between closing my eyes and actually sleeping, to let out more feminine steam. This is an exceptionally deep rabbit hole so I'll skip the details now and perhaps go into it in the future via the medium of blog or game or something, but long story short, it's how I suppressed my feelings.

The persona drifted wildly and started separating into two - the unrealistic persona there is no chance I could ever be, and then a more realistic one that I could. The former's name is Lara; the latter, unsurprisingly, was called Allison. Anything ridiculous like film-making, athletics etc went to Lara, but game ideas went to Allison - because they are realistic, and she is me. Many of those ideas still exist in my mind, perhaps to be created one day or at least to be written down and turned into something.

Realisation

Perhaps four years ago, I worked out that an actual transition was the route I was going to have to take. Fantastical feelings became almost a sense of claustrophobia, uses of my old name incorrect.I started off slow. I stopped getting haircuts and started growing my hair long. I removed as many uses of my old name as possible, changing simply to NAL. Any account I could make gender neutral easily, I did. But it wasn't enough.

Through the late end of 2015 and most of 2016, when work with Chequered Ink was picking up, I started researching properly. I worked out what to expect in terms of time from initial contact with a psychiatrist to getting hormones and to getting surgery far beyond that. I worked out what would be covered by NHS and what I'd have to pay for. I also worked out how much I'd expect to pay if I went private, and what advantages might make it worth it. I also joined a couple of support forums.I nearly actually came out two years ago this month, but felt eventually like I needed more time to be absolutely, 100% sure it was the right move. Minuscule shades of doubt still glossed over me now and then - I didn't want to execute the start of a full transition until I knew that everything it entailed was something I could handle, from the physical changes, to the mental ones, and also to the kinks of the transition itself.

In the meantime, I created Soundproof Cell. It was a free, narrative game that, although largely fictional, did cover a lot of how I was feeling. Focusing on a transgender woman called (by birth) Emilio, who wanted to be Emily, it covered my feeling of claustrophobia, my anger at my genetics, my desire to release my feminine side and wear it proud. I called her that because she was often referred to as "Em", which is "Me" backwards, and ended the story with "This is my key". It wasn't my key (to escape from my own "cell"), it was a little too fictional and disconnected. But it did help me.

Throughout most of 2017, I felt like I had stabilised. I was more and more certain it was the way to go, although still not quite ready to come out. I was wearing gender neutral clothing since 2016, my hair was becoming very long, uses of my name were rare so I didn't get much in the way of dysphoria. I felt feminine. There were certainly pangs of emotions though. I think a key one was when I had given my hair a particularly thorough wash, and later that day my mum, for a laugh, plaited it, joking "I always wanted a daughter!" I feigned embarrassment, but I got insane butterflies from that moment - a glimpse of the future.2018 has been a crazy year. Me and Dan (the guy I live with, who I've been friends with five years since we met at YoYo Games, and who I formed our company with), at about the start of October 2017, were looking at our Chequered Ink earnings and realising that, if we were sustaining the income we were getting, we could finally afford to rent our own house. We made a simple pact - if the last three months of the year were stable and didn't drop off, we would start the year by househunting. And that is what we did.It took us three months of frequent searches for affordable, pleasing Newport houses on Rightmove and Zoopla, and a good few unsuccessful viewings from Dan (who lives far closer to there than I did), for us to finally secure one, which we moved into in mid-April. In those three months, my mind was largely focused on the move, but I did still think about my gender - especially with the fact that Dan was already fairly aware of it. Living in a house with just him would (and did) mean that I could get more and more comfortable with it.

However, the more time went on in the new house, the more the feelings bubbled. And to me, the more I felt ready. My immediate company was okay with it, and I knew most if not all of my friends would be fine with it, but I had a proper first step into the true beginning of the transition that I knew I needed to take, which's outcome I had no actual idea what the result would be of.In this time, I named a lot of Chequered Ink's fonts after small subtle and not-so-subtle hints at transgenderism and my emotions:

(And a few since have been references to stuff too:)

Coming Out

Dan has been immensely supportive the entire time, and I figured he would always be accepting of me. He wasn't the one that worried me.My parents were. Not because I figured they would be against it, purely because I didn't know. Being transgender is such a foreign concept in the eyes of most still, and to them, it certainly is - nobody close to our family had gone through it, Mum only had characters in soap operas and Dad didn't even have that. But I spent years trying and failing to work out an approach to them, to no avail.September 22nd, 2018. I had no plans to come out. But I was on my second alcoholic drink of the night. Dan had gone out for a walk, and I was sitting at the dining table, my phone resting infront of me beside a copy of the i newspaper open on the weekend crossword. And I wondered. What if I just did it? Today. Right now. No script planned, no answers beyond what I'd worked out through years of research. Just good old Dutch courage. I pushed each of the eleven numbers of their landline phone in, but couldn't hit call. I just stared at it, penned in, one touch away from communication.I stared at it for a full other drink, and I poured my fourth. With a shaking hand, one finger outstretched, I switched my brain, which was generating a forcefield around the call button, off. And I pushed it.

I heard the dialtone lightly as my shaking hand picked up the phone, nervously pushing it to one ear as my other hand found solace through running through my hair. Eventually, mum picked up. I was a wreck. She picked up on it fast - I could hear her getting worried. Maybe I was in jail, maybe I was in hospital, maybe something had happened to Dan - I could tell I was worrying her. It helped me say the words."Mum, I- I think I'm transgender."

I had to say it twice, she couldn't hear it the first time. My voice was too stuttery and sporadic. After the second, though, she gave me an instant reply.

"That's fine!"I was crying. Really, really badly. But at the same time, I felt an absolutely insane feeling of relief. Over the next 25 minutes or so, me and mum talked. Not just about my gender, but my plans as well. I calmed down. I felt happy.At the end of it, she told me she'd break the news to dad as well. 15 minutes passed. Dan returned shortly before the call ended, quipped right after "Well, that sounded like it went well!" (presumably sussing what it was about, despite me not even knowing I was doing it when he left), and then went upstairs to shower and change.

Then my phone rang again, it was Dad. He expressed surprise, but gave me my full support. It was a shorter phone call, but a positive one.Once that phone call ended too, I felt a catharsis stronger than any I have ever felt before. I ran around the house, happily screaming, walking with a swagger in my step, feeling like I could take on the fucking world. Allie was free. Allie became me.Over the rest of the evening and the day after, I spread the word elsewhere. First to my closest friends, then to the internet world. All I ever got was support - and the occasional "you were shit at hiding it", which made me smile. Everything made me smile.

Present & future

So now I'm here. I've spent the last couple of weeks removing my old name from everything left - I had gone exclusively by NAL for years. Now I get to go by Allison or Allie JJ - that is my name, along with my new second initials - my parents' first names, in dedication of their support of me. Not just through this; through everything.

Updating 219 fonts on DaFont is a pain in the arse, but every single little change to take my dead name out felt like a fresh, tiny release of a lifetime of hiding. It was an absolute joy to do.Next steps? I'm awaiting a second witness so I can get a deed poll to officially execute my name change. I've already changed my name on most things, but when I can tell the world, with official backing, that I am Allison Janice James, I'm going to be a happy bunny. I'm also initialising contact with official specialists so I can get the actual body transition kicked off. Depending on how much spare money I accumulate, I will also likely get laser hair removal done at some point.

Already wearing the clothes and the nail varnish and living female full time, though. (Fuck, why are armwarmers and leggings so comfortable?!)

To finalise...

To anyone reading this, I do not mind what your opinion of me was or is, and whether this has changed anything at all. I don't believe it should if you only know me through fonts or games - my gender bears no relevance on them. I am happy with people referring to me as NAL - NAL is a pseudonym I have used for over a decade and will likely continue to forever, and does not need to be associated with a gender. (References to me as Allie or Allison, and uses of she and her, do make me smile like a child though.)

To those of you that have shown me support though - it means the f***ing world to me. I'm not always articulate enough to express it, but I love you all. Every use of my soon-to-be-official name and gender fills me with glee. Every kind message gets put in a little mental vault I keep to crack open any time I need a fresh smile.I will also readily answer any questions you may have. I am not easily offended and plan to be an open book on this - if you want to know something, I will probably just tell you!

I don't, however, want any special treatment or any further articles done about this, really. In my eyes, I would be a terrible role model for anyone else going through similar feelings - I'm sure there are better ways about this. (Soundproof Cell actually covered this feeling accurately.)

I'm just NAL.

And Allie.

[There is now a Part 2 to this post with up to date information and happenings!]

Series Nostalgia: Tony Hawk Games by Allison James

There are quite a few game series out there that have been with me for a long time and provided a slew of happy memories. I'd like to start with the Tony Hawk series - as I type this, I have a music playlist of all of the tracks from the series, and I find them firing off these little bits and pieces of nostalgia.

My first taste of the series, albeit a small one, was with the series premiere - Tony Hawk's Skateboarding (Tony Hawk's Pro Skater outside of UK). I never actually owned a copy of the original, but I did have the demo. I remember not knowing how to do anything in it - I worked out how to Ollie and how to turn, so for the score challenge in the demo, I would just be rolling around the Warehouse level continuously performing 180s.

In 2000, both me and my best friend of the time got the full copy of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2. I played that game so much that I, to this day, know pretty much every nook and cranny of every level (even the weird outer-space one).

It was playing this that I, for the first time ever, stayed up past midnight, too - aged 9 and at her house playing it with her while our parents and their friends had a bit of a party. In the same session, I remember us discovering the art of in-game swearing - in the New York level, you could anger taxi drivers, who would then proclaim "you are pissing me off!". This, to a 9 year old, is comedic nirvana.

It took a while for me to get Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 - never got it for PlayStation 1, and only got my PS2 in 2002. But again, that one was played to absolute death. I remember that I would always play as Elissa Steamer, while my friend of the time (a different friend - I've just realised how I can use the series to chart when I was friends with people as a kid!) would create a bizarre sister character to her called Stephanie Steamer. I remember that he had to remake Stephanie every time we played the game thanks to me not owning a hideously-expensive PS2 memory card for about a year (they were dearer than new games, and I preferred having the games). I'm convinced I could remake Stephanie near-perfectly despite her non-existence for 14 years - spiky pink mohican, night-vision goggles, white tank top, camo trousers - sorted.

We wouldn't even necessarily skate - we'd use it as a tool to pretend we were our respective characters and make up stories. But when I was alone, I would then most certainly play the game as a skating game. Like with THPS2, I know the vast majority of every single level inside out.

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4, I didn't play as much. Thanks to its freeform career mode (I really, honestly didn't like the "two-minutes, ten goals" thing from the first three games), I got into that quite a lot, but casually, it didn't see much action from me. I guess at that point, the whole Pro Skater thing was a wee bit done. (I've returned to THPS4 recently, and think it's actually really nice. Love the Alcatraz level!)

The announcement that the sequel, Tony Hawk’s Underground, was a massive overhaul of the formula, however, was very exciting. I remember looking through each issue of Official PlayStation 2 Magazine with delight - the revelation that the new Tony Hawk game would contain walking, would have an actual story, you created your character and they actually had character... everything looked superb.

Christmas Eve, 2003, a day I can recall so clearly. Me and one of my friends of the time (another different one!) were swinging on the swings at a small hidden park in Redgrave coated with a thin layer of snow, excitedly discussing the game with the knowledge that, the day after, I'd own it, and the day after that, he could come over and we could play it all day.

Christmas Day, and yes, Tony Hawk's Underground was mine. This game is still my favourite entry in the series - although it had plenty of goofy gimmicks (car driving was fairly hideous, the "parkour" could have been implemented a little bit more thoroughly since it's so prevalent in the game's missions, and dear Jesus, that stealth mission that caps off the first level can suck one), there was just so much to do, so much to see.

The levels in THUG were well designed and varied, taking you around the world. I loved the sense of scale the game gave, too - far from the Pro Skater levels, which (excluding THPS4) mostly felt like you were in a segmented-off area, actually made it feel like you were in an inhabited world. It wasn't to the game's detriment, either - you could still, with ease, do massive lines of tricks, and were always close to the nearest skatable object.

Another part of THUG that captured my imagination was the improved level creator. Although still fairly limited by size and object limits, the ability to place things like buildings meant that you could create surprisingly convincing little districts. Me and my friend would often play a game where we would make a level and then hide the SKATE letters as well as possible, seeing who could find the other person's placements the fastest.

Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 should have been doomed to lose my interest, but didn't. A week or two before the release of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, a game I was awash with excitement for, I found myself with ANOTHER DIFFERENT friend in Woolworths (RIP) of Diss, with ~£40 in my pocket. In there, I was greeted by a rack of copies of Tony Hawk's Underground 2, a game I had not paid any heed to up to that point thanks to my aforementioned obsession with GTA:SA. But due to my impatience and lack of anything better to do, I bought THUG2.

Well, up to the release date of GTA:SA (also the first game I ever preordered), I played the absolute heck out of Underground 2. What an excellent game - even if you're not a fan of the Jackass brand of humour, it's an absolute stonker of a game. Tons of stuff to do, a MASSIVE library of levels (including a bunch of neat revisits of old levels)... great game. I've played through the entire game again recently and it's still an absolute blast. If I remember correctly, I went back to THUG2 after about a month of playing San Andreas non-stop burnt me out and I needed a little palate cleanser before I could return to SA and obsess over it again.

Tony Hawk's American Wasteland was another instalment I didn't really get too fussed over. However, I bought it a few months after it was released at about the £15-20 mark - and was promptly reminded why I loved the series. The ability to traverse between levels without loading times (sort of) was a welcome if relatively inconsequential addition. Bikes were surprisingly fun, kind of making THAW the third Mat Hoffman game as well. Had a lot of fun with THAW.

I didn't get Tony Hawk’s Project 8 until May 2007 as a 16th birthday present (along with The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion), since I went with PlayStation 3 as my Gen 7 console of choice. I remember going to Diss with the same friend as from the THUG2 excursion the day of my birthday, and spending the entire time wanting to come home so I could game my face off. I enjoyed Project 8 a fair bit - I remember that (still not having broadband internet until July that year) I spent a ton of time between May and July simply skating around the world in free roam while listening to my music.

The magic had dissipated a little from the series with Project 8, though, a process completed with Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground. I got Proving Ground towards the end of 2007 with EMA money, and... good lord, that game was boring. I still finished the story, but it was a really dull game. Even Project 8 had managed to make its (now entirely freeform) world interesting, with the funfair, the steelworks, the school etc - Proving Ground was brown. It was entirely brown.

So I wasn't entirely heartbroken when, having moved onto and subsequently fallen in love with EA's "skate." game, Tony Hawk's gaming legacy was snapped in two like a bailed skateboard with the absolutely dreadful Ride and Shred games. Skate 2 and Skate 3 followed the original and brought more improvements to the table, but then both series disappeared.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 in 2015... well, yeah. I finished THPS5 after finding a copy for £8 in late '15, if only for a deprivation of skating games (Skate 3 was five years old when THPS5 came out, and the genre was pretty much untouched in that time bar the vomit-inducing THPSHD).

I won't lie, THPS5 would occasionally show off shades of what made the original series such a blast to play. But those scraps of past brilliance were diluted by a poisonous ocean of dodgy new physics, overall glitchiness, and the entire game seemingly having next to zero thought or care put into it. Nothing about THPS5 was really fun.

And so stands the Tony Hawk game series. I miss it. I miss good extreme sports games in general - SSX, Aggressive Inline, Dave Mirra's Freestyle BMX, Rolling, Jet Set Radio and a ton of other Tony Hawk spinoffs occured (Mat Hoffman's Pro BMX, Shaun White's Snowboarding, Kelly Slater's Pro Surfboarding off the top of my head - all good games too). I hope next month's Steep can sate my growing appetite.Not mentioned were all the spinoffs of the series, most of which I missed and returned to later. The GameBoy/GameBoy Advance ports tended to be fairly bad, Downhill Jam was the best of the bunch but still nothing to write home about, and there was a DS instalment that clamped a plastic piece of crap to your DS and took tilt controls - if you wanted to see the series be worse than Ride and Shred, I'd strongly recommend that one.

RIP, Tony Hawk's series. I will always hold out hope that you, or a series strongly based off of you, rises from the ashes like a beautiful skateboarding phoenix. And I hope Robomodo is nowhere near it.

Top 5 Favourite Pokémon Soundtrack Tunes by Allison James

Because why not. Here are my five favourite tunes features in main Pokémon games up to XY.

Honourable Mention: Santalune Forest (X, Y)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSGZqdfZj4g

Lovely theme, but not as memorable as 1-5!

#5: Dark Cave (Gold, Silver, Crystal)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyPamrElGOM

The only time I've ever been happy to trawl through the colourless hell of a cave in a Pokémon game.

#4: Pokémon Contest Reception Hall (Ruby, Sapphire & Emerald)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ29daov4o8

I spent a lot of time berry blending and contest entering in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, so I heard this a lot. Thankfully, it's exceptional. The Hoenn trumpets are in full force. Sadly didn't like the ORAS version as much.

#3: Versus Legendary Pokémon (Black, White, Black 2, White 2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCkmgssjhvo

Legendary hunting for me has never been a tenser, more stressful experience than in Black and White thanks to its excellent theme tune. I'm in love with the bit when the tempo warps.

#2: Route 4 (Red, Blue, Yellow)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLcJois9yTs

My first Pokémon game was Yellow. Being inexperienced, it meant I spent hours and hours of my young life stuck levelling my Pikachu and nothing else until its normal-type moves could defeat Brock. When I finally did, I was greeted with this theme - and that's a feeling that's embedded deep within me. The Route 4 theme is like nostalgia dropped its trousers and did its business in my ear.

#1: Team Plasma Grunt Theme (Black, White, NOT the BW2 remix)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB87TndHlFg

GODDAMN, THAT INTRO. It nearly single-handedly made Plasma look like a credible threat instead of the gaggle of spanners that evil teams in Pokémon always are.