A Flight to Remember

I write this on Monday following the biggest collection of firsts I’ve ever had in a single week. A week ago today, I drove on public roads for the first time. That went well. I’ve recently started learning to drive and bought my first car, a very cute Fiat 500e called Sandy the Pikachu.

This weekend past I flew with two friends to Amsterdam. Another first - my first flights, my first time leaving the UK since 2003, and my first time visiting the Netherlands.

The flight was really interesting! It was basically like riding in a bus with wings and a LOT of security. I got point one for annoying gender affirmation when I went through the Bristol airport scanner with bulky metal-strapped shoes on, the attendant shouted FEMALE and a lass checked my legs and feet for any illegal addons before scanning my shoes. All was fine.

We had some extremely bad-to-mid food in a Bristol Airport cafe (pictured - vegetable gyoza with soy chilli sauce), flew to Amsterdam Schiphol, then took a train into Amsterdam Centraal to arrive a stone’s throw from our hotel.

The Renaissance hotel was gorgeous. Huge, ornate, open lobby, with hotel room windows looking down into it. (I discovered this first-hand while pottering around my room unclothed on the Friday night and backed away fast!) So comfortable in there, but there wasn’t much time to rest.

The first coffeeshop beckoned. We went to the nearby Resin coffeeshop for the big reason we were there - legal partaking of cannabis! There’re a really nice pair of hexagonal benches just outside Resin that were our first smoking spot, and that became a firm favourite spot of mine later in the trip as well when the steps accumulated.

After Resin we went to The Green House (or Cookies, or Strain Hunters). We wanted to eat there, but they weren’t serving food that late (we were already at about 22:00 by then), so instead it was just a smoke and the first of many waters. Gorgeous place though: The Green House has a wall covered in big names that have visited in the past.

There was a lot of wandering and smoking. I will neither remember nor mention every single spot, for smoking or otherwise, just because some of them had no-photos policies I tried my best to notice (I was not sober at any point for the remainder of this trip. I get the feeling I’m still not).

Photos are mostly shown in order they were taken, including random shots I took while walking, although hotel ones are gonna be bundled up above.

We did a lot of wandering through Amsterdam at night, accumulating 10,702 steps by the time Friday ticked over to Saturday (in 23hr since midnight moved midway through the day), and then another 5,000 between midnight and 02:00 before finally retiring back to the hotel with a delicious cone of cheesy chips. In that wandering time, I did find one shop, Sweet Atelier, which used my font in its logo + signage (first photo below, all the text on the square red sign + on the little circular logo)! I saw maybe 5 of my fonts the entire trip, but that was the most significant one.

Saturday morning I woke up a little sore from walking, but with plenty of stamina for the day. Our first stop was The Green House again, but this time for food (and smoking). There, I got to try my first 10/10 food of the day: some gorgeous bitterballen with honey mustard dip. Just utterly delectable. I only discovered my love of hummus embarrassingly recently, and these were like someone took hummus and evolved it into fried batter form. I miss this food already so much.

We were first into the lower seating lounge of The Green House, which made for great photos, although it was absolutely packed by the time we finished our food and weed.

More exploration followed; we had plenty of time to kill leading up to our first scheduled event, a boat ride. We saw a pink bear, Emily bought 12 of the most delectable cookies I’ve ever had (from Van Stapele, filled with intense vanilla creme. I only had half of one and it was incredible), and later on, after some shopping - I got myself a gorgeous necklace for €35 - we hit up Stroopperie for a 10/10 stroopwafel so delicious I don’t think I can look mid stroopwafels the same ever again.

15:00 approached, so we headed (after a brief hotel return) to Those Dam Boat Guys for our appointment. We prebooked this, but I was in charge of finalising the booking - and there was option for €280 to buy out an empty slot. I took this.

The boat trip was special. Genuinely one of my favourite experiences of all time. The lass tasked with driving the boat was one of the funniest, most personable people ever, vibing with us all for 90 minutes as she pointed out a bunch of stuff at our request. (If you want an idea how good she was: at one point, I pointed out a funny building and exclaimed “Ooh, a spite house!”, to which she said, paraphrased, “That’s not a spite house! I’ll show you a spite house!!!” and 5 minutes later we got to see a spite house!).

4 joints/blunts/idk were smoked on the boat, and it was the highest I ever felt - but it was absolutely bliss. Emily and Sam ended up tipping an extra €30 for how good it was. Just… incredible all around. I’ll treasure the boat for the rest of my life.

We also had a dog on board for the trip. The dog sat on a TDBG-provided hot water bottle receiving pets for the entire trip.

Following the high of the board ride, we did some more exploration leading up to our meal appointment at 20:00. Not much to show picture-wise since it followed the basic Amsterdam formula we had down by now. I found my font on a few terrible products and had a couple of espresso martinis though. They were expectedly delicious.

At 20:00 on Saturday we had a reservation at Fondue & Fondue, the one fondue location we could find in a convenient range that had good choices of fondues with vegetarian-friendly cheeses. Emily did a great job with my makeup in the time we had left (forgive the photo, I did not have the time to fake being photogenic lmao), then we headed there by Uber. I chose a Mediterranean tomato soup starter, which was delicious, followed by the three of us sharing 2 fondues and a bunch of vegetables and bread to dip.

It turns out that I like mushrooms. And cornichons.

And fondue.

This food was stunning. The cheeses - we had 2 fondues with a bunch of different largely-Dutch cheese offerings - were absolutely mouth-watering. And they paired so well with all the dip options. Broccoli’s like a little cheese sponge and I more roundly understand why the two are paired so frequently. The mushrooms tasted borderline like meat. The cornichons added the little vinegary hit to every bite. And the bread was just a perfect vessel, trapping streaks of gouda in every little hole.

I’m really not a foodie - especially 50kg into a 100kg weight loss goal - but this was a treat day in the absolute best way possible.

Oh, and we had a chocolate fondue for dessert. Lots of strawberries and banana to dip in. Excellent sweet ender.

A long walk followed - the last long walk of the trip with my endurance being tested every step. But Amsterdam was so worth it - gorgeous city at night. We walked through a fairly large park in the rough direction of the hotel and nearby places, smoking and taking in the aesthetic of everything. We passed a Michael Jackson impersonator at one point. Also a duck.

We ended Saturday in the coffeeshop Lost in Amsterdam, which provided a perfect vibe to cap off the Saturday, one of my favourite single days of my life. There, I had a €25 Agwa mojito along with the customary smoking. This was maybe the peak of me realising that I find smoking indoors really unexpectedly nostalgic from being in pubs as a kid where people smoked cigarettes - I don’t miss that, but there really is something to the atmosphere of wisps of smoke meandering around the air you share. My body was definitely giving out at this point, but probably understandably so - as midnight struck, I had reached 22,865 steps on the Saturday alone. I believe this is an all-time record for me.

We got back to the hotel at about midnight sharp to recover, as best as we could, for the final day.

Sunday (yesterday, as little as it feels like it) made one thing clear to me: I was not particularly mobile any more. My body had not recovered well, and I needed breaks all through the day. We were all feeling it, quite a lot.

Which makes it ridiculous that I ended up doing 18,690 more steps yesterday.

We started the day by meeting up with a Netherlands-local friend, Falco, and going to Pancakes for a pancake. Always time for one more “best of a thing I’ve ever had”. I went for a goat’s cheese, spinach and pine nut pancake that was another world-beater. Absolutely delectable.

Together with Falco, we browsed some shops and had another (agonising but valuable!) walk around Amsterdam. I bought a few touristy items here and there, although at one point, with the other 3 going to the Tony’s shop, I could tell I needed to not walk, so I stayed at a picturesque spot on a bench, cross-legged, people-watching. Still a really chill experience. (The Sexmuseum was right behind me at that time, fun fact. Didn’t visit it.)

Falco left us at this point, but it was lovely to see him again (we met him at one of our in-person Blood on the Clocktower events mid-2025 but have known each other a few years from online BOTC). With our stamina not recovering much more, we hopped between light shopping and coffeeshops, including Prix D’Ami (to buy and smoke), Coffeeshop Amsterdam (to smoke), and finally, back to Resin and those lovely hexagonal benches (to smoke our last weed of the trip and procure an edible cake for the journey).

And that marked the end of my legs.

Which was a shame, because the travel back from there added a good 9,000 steps to Sunday. Ugh.

We took the train back from Amsterdam Centraal to Amsterdam Schiphol airport, sharing and eating the edible cake mid-journey as I sat cross-legged in the vestibule.

I was so immobile in the airport, I forwent finding nice food in favour of going to a nearby café for a croissant that tasted like drywall and felt like a brick, and a cheese roll that was honestly better than it should have been. (Random aside: I used the loo during this time, and there was a branded Tangle Teezer sitting on the sanitary bin in my cubicle. I did not touch it.)

I took the window seat of the flight this time, and it was the right move - I got to stare over Amsterdam one last time, far above it, lit up at night. Utterly breathtaking experience - Amsterdam was clear last night and I got to see it all, especially as the plane banked left and positioned the window directly over it.

This was juxtaposed by Bristol, which was foggier than I’ve personally witnessed a place be since living in Dundee. But it provided some gorgeous shots of distant aeroplanes cutting through its sheer density.

This was one of the best weekends of my life, but I’m so glad to be back as well. I am physically and emotionally exhausted, but in such a good way.

In three days, I managed 52,267 steps, comically far above my past endurance. I’m really proud, for pushing myself not only to do those steps, but also to leave the country for once, of my own/my friends’ accord, and have an unforgettable 3 days as a result of that.

My thank you to everyone that made it happen. Emily and Sam, I cherish you both. Those Dam Boat Guys for going above-and-beyond. Everyone behind the food I ate, the weed I smoked, and the cobbled streets I increasingly hobbled across.

Now it’s time to pay for it all, with however long it takes my body to remember my feet still exist.

An Ode to 2025

2025 was the best year of my life, bar none. And here, as 2026 begins, I want to tribute 2025 with some of the milestones and things that made it so!

The ‘20s

The 2020s thus far have been… not the greatest. I entered 2020 with optimism - the hope to kickstart my physical transition, Chequered Ink slowly gaining traction, with Pong Quest midway through development. Everything was amazing until the pandemic hit.

In 2020 I left the house twice. Once for a friend’s birthday party between lockdowns 1 and 2, and once between lockdowns 2 and 3 to send Sony my PS5 when it died one day after its launch. (It took 11 weeks with all the stock problems for them to get it fixed.)

2021 was a similar affair. Lockdowns, everything was stalled. Just not great.

I broke out of it in 2022 as the pandemic and lockdowns eased. A little at least - I caught COVID in mid-’22, thankfully after my third vaccination. 2022 saw me do a handful of social things; a QE2 Platinum Jubilee local beer festival at which I only drank rum and cokes, a handful of outings with friends, etc. I also got to finally start hormones in 2022. That followed a blood test that also flagged hypothyroidism and a folic acid deficiency - I went from no meds to a small handful in the span of a day.

2023 was where things started to change, and it started with one board game: Blood on the Clocktower. I fell in love with the game through the YouTube channel No Rolls Barred, binging every episode they released of BOTC twice in a row. I gathered enough friends to play it for my birthday in 2023 for the first time as a storyteller, setting up a special Discord server just called “(Harts) Blood on the Clocktower”, then after having joined NRB’s Patreon, played my first few games there. And then my first few hundred.

With 6-8 hours a day of BOTC, a very social game, I started getting to know a lot of its regular players, many of which joined around when I did and grew familiar with its mechanics alongside me. This was all online at this point, but those co-players became more and more my friends as we started to hang out in the NRB Discord server more.

A couple of Clocktower outages meant we needed to finish half-completed games somewhere we had more control; Harts Blood on the Clocktower was conveniently set up and under my hand, so a bunch of the NRB regulars, my new friends, joined there. By the end of 2023, basically all of them were there - and we had enough to run our own games.

2024 rolled in and those friendships grew in number and strength. Several people had also cancelled their NRB Patreon subscriptions just due to moving on, so Harts BOTC was becoming a place where we did more. I renamed it to Harts Bluff to nod to BOTC while making the server’s purpose broader. Board games, Geoguessr, Golf With Your Friends, Jackbox - we did a lot.

2024 was a great year for other reasons. I felt like I grew a lot, I had a lot more financial stability as Chequered Ink continued slowly upwards. I also met my boyfriend in March, who I’m still very happily with.

During early 2024, one of the few non-UK members announced she was visiting UK for a con and wanted to meet us. Somehow that snowballed to 11 of us meeting, many for the first time and one I was re-meeting for the first time in a decade. We called it IRL.

2024 wasn’t limited to just one meeting of all these people who were very much friends by now. We had a handful of other smaller meetups in ‘24, and I moved with two-ish of them to Swansea in October. It was in that house did IRL2 in November - which had ~13 attendees, including my first meeting of two of my closer friends from the group, and the assimilation of my lifelong best friend and her husband/another long-term friend (whose wedding I maid-of-honoured in 2024!) into the in-person group. Somehow I became a meetup planner. Still unsure how.

As I went back to my parents’ for two weeks to celebrate Christmas and the New Year, we gained one new addition to the server, who has become a close friend from sheer perfect compatibility with our server’s style (a bunch of awkward queer people that obsess over board games!) Chequered Ink also capped the year off with our best month of sales ever in December. It basically unlocked 2025 financially for me. It was so immediately freeing to know I could go headfirst into a new videogame passion project.

2025

I went into 2025 with more physical confidence in myself than ever before, with a small pile of money to see me through any emergencies and the year ahead generally, and with a group of friends closer and more hobby-aligned than ever before. I’ll break down what followed by month. There’s a lot.

In January, we met that new member from December 2024. Twice. She held a birthday celebration for 8 of us in Swansea board game café Social Dice, and we went there a week earlier as a group of 3 to meet, ice break and dry run the event. It was really entertaining; I bought a copy of Just One for us to play + she introduced us to Mysterium. We also had a trip to The Range, which isn’t usually noteworthy except this one was gigantic. Biggest shop I’ve been in since Big W Norwich as a teenager!

In February, I full-sent a concept I’ve been sitting on for 15 years: a full game inspired by Voltorb Flip from Pokémon HeartGold and Soul Silver. Through 2025 I turned that into Nildigo, a game which I am reaching feature-completion on, and which I will resume work on starting in January. I hope to have it finished before Q1 is over. Socially, there were visits to our new friend for board games and excellent pasta (rest in peace to that pasta place, heartbreaking loss). One other big thing: my boyfriend bought me a surprise flower bouquet for Valentine’s Day, a gesture I’ve never had before. Burst into happy tears and then bought a bunch of flower food to keep them going as long as I could; my friend also got me an emergency vase for them.

In March, we had a couple of big shopping trips in Swansea. A handful of friends met up; I’m generally resisting using real names of friends but I cannot shut up about the one time the group was “Sam, Sam, Sammy and Allie in an alley”. We visited friends some more, took a second excursion to the Plantasia zoo, and two of us went on a later-night shop to avoid our mutual housemate’s potential hookup. The atmosphere walking through a city at night is forever happy for me - gives me Dundee (2010-2015) nostalgia.

In April, we did IRL3. Hosted by my best friends, in their house/converted chapel perfect in size and style for Blood on the Clocktower, IRL3 was insane. We ended up with 20 people in all, with several newcomers I got to meet for the first time. I hired a minibus (an idea posed by my boyfriend, who offered to drive it), and it ferried around 8 of us in the Wales and Bristol area to the location in Reading.

In May, all hell broke loose. I started the month by making an emergency visit to a friend - that helped her get a diagnosis she’d been cheated out of for the year to date. I stayed over there for a handful of days, incredibly chill time. About a week after returning home, a bunch of us (including a friend’s girlfriend visiting from America for a week and meeting a handful of us for the first time ever) went to Swansea Pride together. On return from that, my friends had prepared me a surprise birthday party! It was an incredibly touching moment.

Towards the end of May, I had verified with my Swansea landlord that we would have to move out at the end of our contract. Suddenly, a bunch of jokes I shared with my best friend about us moving in together stopped being jokes. But that wasn’t all! My business partner also got us a spot at Impact!, an indie game in-person show-off event in Bristol. I treated myself, booked two nights in the Mercure Hotel near the event, and spent two hot nights in an air-conditioned palace. The event itself was exhausting but amazing, and a great milestone to have hit. I definitely found my social awkwardness fighting me every step, but I got to talk (nervously) with a bunch of people and demo Nildigo to them.

In June, a handful of us then celebrated my best friend’s birthday by throwing her a big party at her house - the same one as IRL3. Before we got there though, we did a viewing for a house in Bedwas. I am writing this blog post from that house. The viewing went well. About a week after this, me and my friend/housemate of the time stayed for another few days back at the same friend from May. I discovered GDK’s vegetarian kebab during that visit. Life changer.

In July, we moved into that house, with a handful of friends helping and hanging out with us. Dubbed Bluff Boudoir (after the Swansea house had been Harts House), it’s a gorgeous place. I have an en suite for the first time in my life - I cannot reasonably put into words how lifechanging the privacy of my own loo and shower has been.

July saw a very different, very surprising thing happen though: upon registering with the local GP, I was invited to an initiation by a different GP to the one who I was first scheduled to see. She was a GP with trans patient experience, and was the most knowledgeable, friendly, and useful GP I’ve ever met. I went from Swansea never having my full prescription once in 9 months being there, to a GP who had the T-blocker shot I needed spare in a pile. She also offered to move my England-based gender identity clinic wait position to a Welsh one… and said she might be able to let me skip the queue. I was, at this point, anticipating not having an operation referral until at least 2030.

I also got to meet yet another friend in July, who had flown over from Lithuania. About 8 of us met up in Bristol together, had food, played ping pong and then did some board games sitting in the street. Really vivid memory. I loved this day.

August began with Bluff Boudoir and a mutual friend visit a food festival in Pontypridd, which was a lot of fun. He stayed over that night for board gamery. Halfway through the month, August then saw my business partner, also a close long-term friend, renew his vows with his wife, which I was invited to attend. It was a lovely, if very tiring, day, and not least of all because I was distracted. I was distracted because, 4 days prior to the wedding, I’d received a text from the Welsh gender clinic. They’d fast tracked me. My appointment was 2 days after the wedding.

My now-housemates agreed to drive us to Cardiff a day earlier, where we’d have a meal in the pub, then I’d spend the night in the hotel above it before attending the appointment a small walking distance away. (The Mercure stay in May definitely affirmed my love of just having a new place to sleep for a night.) They left that day, I enjoyed the night, and then went to the appointment. Long story short - I was given a weight loss goal, and a date they’d contact me to ensure I was on the right track - January 2027. In that time I would have to lose over half my body weight. I am chomky. At the time of writing though, I’m 34kg down, faster loss than needed, and with that has come even more confidence. I feel unstoppable some days.

August was then bookended by another festival - a cheese festival in Caerphilly around the castle, which had around 4 cheese tents out of 70. We bought more novelty moonshine than cheese. It poured buckets of rain on this day as well, but that didn’t DaMpEn OuR sPiRiTs

In September, we had a few friends over for some more board games. Played the Fallout board game with them, which was a lot of fun. The Bluff Boudoir crew also had a Cardiff shopping trip where we bought quite a lot - I got the Apex Legends Board Game for my growing collection of board games, as well as a Lego gachapon machine for an IRL4 surprise. The other two bought a £400 Lego set which, at time of writing, they are currently on the final stages of building.

In October, we did IRL4! Hosted by the three of us from Bluff Boudoir, we neared 20 guests again, including the same American visitor from IRL1 and several newcomers and IRL2-3 missers. I wrote a lengthy personal quiz for everyone which included a surprise Bingo round, and the three of us made everyone custom Lego minifigures, which we disassembled and put into gachapon balls in my Lego set for people to “win”! There was also a lot of Clocktower, and at least one really core-memory bonding session that saw a good handful of tears flow.

In November, I visited my friend for almost a week to assist in a vet trip and for us to get vaccination boosters. This was my third visit to her house of the year - we are frequently cited by our friends group as being the same person, and it kind of shows itself when we can just co-exist for such long periods of time indulging in a laundry list of shared YouTube algorithm results and Apex Legends rounds. I treated myself to a £200 Uber back rather than braving the trains again, and accidentally suddenly wanted to learn to drive so I could never touch a train again. (I’m in a relationship with a train lover. If you’re reading this, I promise I will still take trains with you.)

December capped off the month with a quiet-ish start, but an increasingly busy end. For the first time ever, I spent Christmas (and New Year’s) away from my parents. There were definitely elements I missed from it, but it was a really worthwhile experience that I wholly enjoyed. We also had several visitors across the latter period, and a couple of lovely outings besides - I spent a day out in Cardiff with my boyfriend and his friend, and another day with two close friends in nearby Caerphilly. On both of those, I ate vegan food you’d never guess was vegan or hardly even vegetarian. I remain vegetarian for the time being (hello strong cheese), but I can absolutely see a point in time where I make the full switch. In the meantime, sensible swaps wherever possible will remain my regular choice.

The last thing of note in December: Chequered Ink did well. Again. Almost entirely to the credit of my business partner. But it capped off a financial 2025 where I had the privilege to create Nildigo, a game I care deeply about, while enjoying our best year ever.

That just about caps off 2025. As I write this, I have a visit to my parents and to my friend on the horizon, another friend’s next birthday meeting before the end of the month, my second-ever travel out of the UK in the first quarter, and a lot of long-term plans through 2026 and beyond. My New Year’s Resolution this time around is a full 5x5 bingo card of mini-resolutions. I pass if I complete a line. I’m going to try and full house the bastard. I can’t wait for it.

To Those who Know Who You Are

I’ve got a lot of thanks to give. Not just because of 2025. Because of everything. Because I don’t know where I’d be without everything you’ve all done. And because I think I’m able to type this today from the positivity you’ve brought into my world.

I’ve kept names private throughout this (mostly. Sam Sam Sammy and Allie in an alley. heh.) and will continue to do so. But to those of you who do know who you are, here are some words.

To the ones that have given me 6 names: thank you for literally everything. I only saw one of you for a couple of days at the start of 2025, but weekly contact is always a highlight of my week. Can’t wait for next week.

To the quizzer: I love you. Every time we meet, it excites me. Every time we kiss, I go jelly. I’m so glad you’re you and we’re us. Cannot wait for 2026 and beyond with you.

To the wife: b**ch you know I love your ass. Be less worried. You are capable of literally anything. You are aggressively skilled, absurdly smart, the sky is the limit with you. I would walk my ass off a cliff if you thought it was a good idea.

To the husband: f*** me referring to you anonymously without it sounding super diminutive is difficult. Know you are one of my closest friends, one of the few I’d trust with literally anything. You’re both adorable together.

To the wife AND the husband: yeah both of your asses now. Thank you both for Bluff Boudoir. You moved me to a place where I have freedom I’ve never been afforded before. You fast forwarded my gender journey and are, directly or indirectly, to credit for almost every positive decision I’ve made in the past year and a half, especially since we moved together. I sorely hope I’m not too much of a nightmare at times, because I cherish you both, together and individually. You both rock. Thrilled you joined the friend group.

To the same person as me: I would take a bullet for you. I am not joking. If I spent 5 days in a flat with any other human being on this planet being fed vegetables and at the whim of their YouTube algorithm and Allie-spiting cat I’d go insane. You make videos endless fun to watch. You make getting to steal one “cuddle” from a cat who air-balled vomit down a wall at human head height a privilege. And you make vegetables delicious. Here’s to at least 4 games of Apex’ worth of chilling with you daily ‘til the world ends.

To Wynn: a! I feel like I don’t give you enough personal credit for what an amazing person you are. Talented, kind, caring, and good lord I had your perseverence with PlayStation trophies. I hope I’m never evil in a Clocktower game where you’re good again. You’re too good. And you and your girlfriend together - too f***ing cute.

To the colleague: more than a colleague let’s be honest. Getting to share Chequered Ink with you has been an absolute pleasure. You’re the reason I’ve tried to think more eco-friendly, and the reason I considered vegetarianism so hard I ended up doing it. (2 years in, it’s not even difficult wtf.) You’re a constant inspiration. Viva la Chequered Ink.

To the Tallinn Stallion: I’m so sorry for Tallinn Stallion, it made me laugh instantly. I’m glad we’re still close friends, forever may it last. Hoping we can see more of each other in 2026, because you’re one of my favourite people to spend time with.

To the guitarist: You’re a pleasure to spend time with, but you’re also a pleasure to work with. Having seen your music grow in such a short time has been amazing, and part of my long-term aspirations are to get enough money to get you hired for something big. In the mean time, I will support you every way I can, as you do for me. Here’s to an even bigger year this go around.

To the evil bastard: nah f*** off you’re genuinely attractive. I was so happy to get to see you again at IRL4, and spend more time with you. You’re always a pleasure to argue with in BOTC. You’re one of the first people I started to recognise through NRB Clocktower overall, and you contributed to my long-term enjoyment of the game, which got me here in the first place. I have a ton to credit you for.

To the French Spanish Scottish Irish person: Have loved getting to see you twice this year after our initial reunion at IRL1! I’m thrilled you got into Clocktower, am so happy to still have you as a close friend, and I hope every Slayer shot you make in Grim Scenario is a game ender. That time we spent together spawned so many cherished memories. RIP Vine.

To Doug: Doug! Getting to chill for nearly 3 weeks was so nice. I wish we hadn’t had COVID for a week of it, but still! You’re going to excel in everything you do. You’re such good fun to vibe with, and I really hope we get to see you in 2026. Thank you for making those flights.

To the Charlotte Flair superfan: it’s been a pleasure spending as much time with you as I do. While I obviously mostly miss Londis from Swansea, I really did love firing through shit films and shitter wrestling on a daily basis, often with some garam-flavoured curiosity, a vanilla milkshake in a glass bottle and a pack of Surging Sparks.

To the one who technically made Harts Bluff: I really hope everything’s going well, and I want to thank you for being the genesis of me reversing the social damage of the pandemic. You’re the reason I left the house most times between 2019 and 2023. Hoping once I’m up and driving we can make some time for a catch-up and reconnection.

To everyone else in old Harts: I hope things are going well with all of you! The one who was once confused about verdant vexillology has dropped into Harts Bluff occasionally and it’s always fun to catch you for some chats. To the more distant connections among you - hope all’s going well with you. Epic Club, Heezeburger and lumping on 4ever. Rocket League less so.

To the Christmas Eve traveller, and the reason they travelled: you’re both beautiful people, inside and out. It’s an honour to get to spend time with both of you where I can, and I’m really excited at the prospect of getting to meet you both in 2026 for the first time.

To everyone in Harts Bluff: the server wouldn’t exist without you. I can’t think of a way of saying it without a cliché, but… the server’s not mine. It’s ours. I’m just in a position where I can move stuff around a bit. But I’ll affirm this: I’m committed to the server being a place where we can feel at home, grow as a community, welcome in newcomers (slowly), and thrive together. Here’s to more IRLs, to more quotes, to more Clocktower, to more broad events, and to anything bespoke I can make for you all to hopefully pass out a few smiles or laughs. This goes to everyone. The ones I’ve known for decades, the ones I’ve known for years, and the newcomers brought in by friends that assimilate. The gremlins. The poker stars. The sign buyers. The Sams. The Lithuanians that are all far too hot. Seriously what the f*** do they feed you in Lithuania. The game solvers. I went through the entire Harts Bluff member list just to keep you all in mind for this.

To everyone who’s subtly or unsubtly changed my life: the person in 2014 in the GameMaker sphere whose own experience made me realise something very important about myself. The person who offered me a job over Twitter in 2010. The person who introduced me to every major program I use in my professional and hobby life. The person who got me into No Rolls Barred. The inventors of a multitude of my beloved board and video games.

To everyone that’s here: thank you too. Your views, interactions, memories - every single one means something to me. Every time I’m recognised as “NAL” in my brief dips back into the GameMaker communities I once frequented. Every time I’ve seen one of my fonts on literally anything. I still get excited every time. I cannot wait to serve you more creativity in 2026.

Thank you all.
Allison